Looks like Obama is going to win handily. May God guide his hand as he steers the ship of state.

Max, you are hurting. At some point you are going to have to forgive yourself. Really. Truly forgive yourself. Maybe not now, if you're not ready, but you cannot thrive in the future (whatever it holds) if you feel shame for yourself.

My view is that guilt is a healthy feeling, in small doses. Once the problem is corrected, let it go. Let the guilt go. let the shame go.

You are human, we all make mistakes.

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How do I counsel my children through their adult years with respect?

You have been down a particular road and can share with them the wisdom gained by that experience. You lived and learned. What you have to offer them is invaluable. INVALUABLE. If you hide it forever, they will not know, they will not learn.

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how do I look at any of his family in the eye? How do we maintain our circle of friends comfortably knowing that they know what I did ?

I know what you are saying. We are, all of us, sinners. All of us have made mistakes. You are no different. To believe that you MUST hide this - it's not healthy. You have to accept your imperfections and mistakes. You don't have to advertise them, but you have to accept them.

Dang, Max, get ysef into couneling!

At the same time, I don't know why it has to be shared with everyone. your family? a large circle of friends? why? That seems indiscreet. It will only make people uncomfortable.

I think this is one of the things that damned our chances at reconciliation. My wife told *everyone*, and I mean everyone, that she had been unfaithful. Matter-of-factly. And they hadn't been asking, either. I think she got some guidance that she needed to "get over the shame" and that she needed to stop hiding it.

But she wasn't over it, and neither was I, and telling everyone didn't help. When the secret was out, and everyone was shocked, she felt worse about herself. And then she went right back to the guy! Perfect!

Ideally "no secrets" is a good thing. But within reason, and at the right time. And gently and discreetly.