I have a post over in Newcomers(dated 10/15/08) that explains my sexual difficulties. I won't paste it over here because it's rather long and I haven't figured out the pasteing thing yet. Some good points have been made here. I think the idea of being a little forceful/seductive/masculine/confident is a fine one. However, if you're a man who's been conditioned to have absolute respect for a woman's rights regarding her own body, such an approach can strike you as bordering on rape. Some men, including myself at times (I'm struggling), are so afraid of ANY accusation of sexual misconduct that they wait for blatant signs of the woman's willingness or even for her to directly request sex. Of course, this does nothing for the woman's sense of self-worth or desirability. Though DanceQueen and I have disagreed elsewhere on these forums, experience has taught me that DQ is absolutely correct in this thread. (Hello, DanceQueen. I won't say anything else of our previous disagreements.) Now a few points:
1)about some of Bagheera's comments: I own a copy of the 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women and completely agree as to its quality. Also, B makes insightful reference that letting a woman run the sex side of a relationship can turn the woman off. B, what if a woman won't permit the man to take the lead a significant portion of the time?
2) about DQ: DQ's post is filled with truth. Sometimes, a man becomes cut off from his inner masculinty and strength (excellent turn of phrase, DQ). If that's your situation, things like exercise, pick-up games of whatever sport you enjoy, etc. can help you reconnect to that.
I'm no authority, but I felt like I had to share with you because it seems our situations are similar. My wife, to her credit, has been trying on her end to be more responsive and in touch with her femininity. But I can tell she has to try and it doesn't come naturally and this turns me off and then that discourages her. I have to fight my own emotions. Check out my post over in the check in here thread in newcomers for more detail.
P.S.: Some women send a guy mixed messages like "Be more sensitive to my needs" and 1 minute later "Why won't you just be more of a man?" Don't feel bad if you're confused a lot of the time. God knows, I am. Good luck and I'll watch this thread as often as I can and contribute more if something helpful occurs to me.
