Cinders, I have followed your situation for nearly two years now and I can say that (IMO, of course), of all people, your H would be devastated if you were dating.
I can say with almost certainty that you are very right about this !
Trouble is...I'm not ready to date...so no, H doesn't actually need to deal with it..therefore his blinders stay on !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
And that is the challenge. We could date someone and make our spouse jealous and have a possible temporary reconciliation or not. But it would be for the wrong reasons.
Something else, more pure, has to happen. A realization of what is important in life must occur with our wandering spouses for a real change to occur.
In MLC or really any type of situation where a marriage is having issues, patience is on tall order and short in supply.
In the meantime, I think I need to find a new hobby.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
MMF....you totally GET me ! Thanks ! And yes, because you've followed my story for 2 years now, I often feel you are spot on with your comments about me, my kids and my H !
Love you lots big bro'
Wanna come over to visit Europe as a hobby ?!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
He's manipulating in a very nice way, but you don't always have to do what he suggested. You need to think about what you want and what you want to share w/your children, just as he does. Nothing says you have to give in to all of his nicely put "demands". Cinders, start thinking about what you want and do not worry about whether or not this will affect the way he thinks about you.
It's time for Cinders and what she wants out of life.
I agree with this totally.
Cinders I have been meaning to ask you if you felt your H had a passive aggressive streak. He comes across as so caring but there is often a cruel undertone to what he does and says.
You have been more than agreeable for the longest time, where has it got you? Now I think it is time to do what You want, not out of spite, but out of what is best for your children. You need to make choices based on what makes you feel good about you, not what you think will make him feel good about you.
Nutty x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Cinders, I have followed your situation for nearly two years now and I can say that (IMO, of course), of all people, your H would be devastated if you were dating.
I can say with almost certainty that you are very right about this !
Same here!!
My sons form tutor turned up at a sports event with his son (not with us, it was a coincidence) we chatted etc. My son told his dad that the form tutor was at the event talking to mum and my H nearly blew a gasket.
I have had 2 really 'sweet' e-mails off him totay trying to find out if this is my new love interest.
pity I have been too busy to reply!!
Nutty x
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
Thanks for popping in Nutty Chick..you are right that it is time for me, and yes H is very 'sweet' and loving and gets his way most of the time, but he's not always that sweet...if he doesn't like you, then he won't add the sweetness to his getting his way !
My FIL just got medical test results back and he may have colon cancer. I am in shock. H came by today and told me....then later I called FIL and MIL...they are awaiting the results.
They will be coming over to spend the night at my house next Thursday as there is a grandma and grandpa day at school on Friday. I have sent H a TM saying that his parents will be here then, and that I was planning to take them out to dinner...would he like to join us...and that I understand if he thinks it weird or just does not want to.
No more I can do...
I will be praying for FIL.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders, I will keep your FIL in my prayers. If it is colon cancer, let's hope and prayer that it is in the early stages and can be treated quickly.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
