Nothing To Fear!! God is in Control.

[kelaaron]

Maybe you tell him that you aren't ready to date yet. Doesn't mean you can't talk necessarily. You say can't take H back as he isn't ready but r u really ready to move on? Personally, I wouldn't tempt yourself unless you are really done.

I know I am not.

[mishka422]

Hey there kissak.

The only problem with making a "new friend" is that if he comes into this thinking "I've got a date with a hot chick. Wonder how this is going to go? Where it's going to go." and you come into it with "I'd love to make a male friend. Free dinner and a movie sounds good too but that's as far as it's going". Who is going to be possibly be hurt? Him. You know what you want - friend only. He wants a woman in his life. See what I mean?

I have recently been cultivating a friendship with a male that I am, frankly, VERY attracted to but I know it will not go anywhere. Neither one of us is anywhere near ready for a R of any kind but it's good to get a man's POV on things so neither of us feels threatened by it. We also don't go out alone together but we do talk alone sometimes (standing in the parking lot after meetings - that sort of alone). If you can make him understand you just need a friend right now that happens to be male then do that. Just make sure it's VERY clear.

Your H is a total mess. I'm so sorry. Mine is too so I understand.

More importantly, how are your kids doing right now?

[kissak]

Well, My kids are doing great right now. They really are. Thanks for asking. Although, I had to ask my H to leave the other night when he dropped off the kids because he wanted to talk in the kitchen and my son was getting all these ideas in his head that his daddy "wanted" to be there. My H at one point told my son he loved him and my son thought he said it to me, you should have seen the look on his face...I had to ask my H to leave because it was confusing our son to have him there talking to me like he was, so we went out on the porch to talk. My son is only 7 and still hopes his dad will come home.

But my H is a mess right now. I dont know how to help him and I feel like he is wanting my help. I mean, this morning he texted me and it said "i am so sorry for putting you through so much pain and hurt".

All I said was "i know".

I think he maybe hoovering over rock bottom lately.

[mishka422]

I dont know how to help him and I feel like he is wanting my help.

You can't help him. You can only help yourself and hope that he finds help from an outside source. He needs therapy. Is he not seeing the C anymore?

My STBX is suicidal now. Rock bottom is starting to look like it's here for him but he has no intentions of seeking any help and I'm not the one to help him since I hold too much anger and hurt where he is concerned.

You can't be his friend right now kissak. I'm sorry, but you're not ready to do that for him.

[Maya44]

Okay 2 things, Kissak....IMO ofcourse

1.) The cats would be so fun to have in the shop!

2.) I would be honest with this guy. Tell him you thought you were ready for a date, but thought about it and aren't ready. I agree with the others that posted...if you have to talk yourself into it and go back and forth so much, then you aren't ready.

[kissak]

I actually talked to this guy today and told him my concerns and that I just werent ready for anything serious. He said he understood. He knew I was just getting out of a relationship with my H, and that he himself had been divorced for about 5 years. He knows how hard it is. His wife left him for another man. But we may still go out just as friends.
Honestly I think im so nervous simply because I have never dated anyone other than my H. I would be nervous probably even after 5 years. Who knows??

[mishka422]

Sounds good kissak. Honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings is what it's all about!

[MidwesternGirl]

"i am so sorry for putting you through so much pain and hurt".

My h has been saying this since February.

I would not do anything you are not ready to do.

[kissak]

WEll guys, my H is at it again....he knows Im going off tonight! ok, he told me that he did want me to somewhat have fun.

But that was after he has texted me all day to say stuff to insinuate he wanted to come home. Things like he was thinking alot about me lately and US. And stuff like that. Even throwing in things like, Im just being honest, not trying to say anything. I was very short and just would say Ok and I understand and I know. Ok, then I decided to be honest with him!!! I told him that if he ever wanted me to consider ever letting him come back that he would have to work his a$$ off to try and win me back!!!!!!!

He said "I know that".

Ok, I left it at that. He said he would be surprised if I would ever consider it , or that I probably didnt ever want him back or would even think about it! He was trying to turn it around on me to say he could come back and that I wanted him too! Ok, I stood my ground and didnt fold!!

You should have seen him tonight when he got the kids. He was soooo unsocial and down. He knows Im going out and he has alot of work to do to get me back if that is what he wants! Its either DO or DONT....No trying this time! Thats If I even want him back!!

Im in such a good mood tonight and im looking forward to going out!

Have a great weekend!!!

[mishka422]

Have a wonderful time kissak!

I'm so glad you are standing your ground this time. That man has messed you over so many times and he's not trustworthy. He is going to have to crawl over broken glass to even begin to be worthy of you.