Positive developments?

[ms ladybug]

Sounds great! Keep in light, and NO PRESSURE! She needs to know that you're OK either way. She knows what you want, and she's continuing to think. Expect the pull-back, but I'd be pretty optimistic at this point!

[jon2911]

Thanks ms b! I'll probably feel more optimistic after some sleep.

I guess my GAL has been working, because we had this interesting conversation this weekend:

W: You don't even care that we're separated
Me: Why do you say that?
W: You seem to be having a great time, getting to watch football all day, hang out with friends, do a lot at church, all the things you didn't get to do when we were married.

I told her that yes, I'm having a good time, but I'd much rather have her back. And if we do get back together, we can compromise and still get to do the things we enjoyed while apart. We never did that in our co-dependant state before. It was a great R talk. Funny how the GAL pisses the WAS sometimes

[MichelleLT]

Wow. That's definite progress!

Keep working on building a foundation for the R you always wanted.

I am glad you are prepared in case she pulls back.

Sounds like you are doing pretty fantastic.

[jon2911]

Thanks all.
W wakes up around 7:30 AM to take her dog out, and she talks to me now until she goes back to sleep. She sleeps most of the day now.

She sent a resume to a job she really wants in San Antonio. Hoping that doesn't happen. FIL was really impressed by the job, which hacks me off. Just waiting it out. She has wedding prep this weekend and SIL's wedding next weekend, so I won't see her for a while.

But I just found out I'll see my family this weekend! It's been a long time. My little brother just got a Mac, and he and dad both got the new iPod Touch, which runs the same apps as my iPhone. Should be really fun. With all the craziness with W, I haven't seen them in 4 months.

[MichelleLT]

Why is she sleeping most of the day? Is she not getting enough sleep at night? Or is that a symptom of her depression?

If she really wants the job be suportive. Even if it means doing the long-distance thing a while or trying to figure out if you can move. Just remember, she needs to do what she needs to do to sort her own life out and get back on her feet so she can be an equal in a R with you.

Yay for seeing your family!!!!

(((Jon))))

[jon2911]

Michelle,
She sleeps because her migraines are still really bad. Again, I think it's psychological and all the conflict between her dad and sister over the wedding is bringing it up. They're both fighting to turn her to their side, it's ridiculous. And yes, depression as well.

I can't force her to get help. She hasn't mentioned her counselor in a while, so don't know what's happening there. Two possibilities I see other than coming to Dallas are:

1. She gets a crap job through a temp agency she applied to, and hates it
2. She gets the SA job and loses it because of migraines

It's really hard to watch. I think you know what I mean from your sitch. I need to stay detached.

[MichelleLT]

She will just figure it out herself lol.

And yes, it does suck. It is the hardest thing in the world to walk away or stand by and watch. Actually it's easier to walk away and not be around to watch lol.

Sorry to hear her migraines are that bad.

Hang in there!

[jon2911]

So W wanted to talk until 1:00 AM, and then called at 6:20 AM. Reminds me of how she wore me out while we were dating, but I like it;) She'll be with family all weekend, and so will I, so the space will be nice.

Interesting conversation last weekend that I've been thinking about. We were at the fair, and a train came by, and I went to look at it. I've liked trains since I was a kid. W said "at least something causes your heart to skip a beat. I could walk around naked and not get that reaction." WTF?

I brought it up to her the next day, and we had a good talk. I told her that my dad loved music growing up, but my mom felt threatened by it. One time, when dad was packing up the keyboard for vacation, my mom told us kids "well, now the other woman is coming". I never really understood that, and still think it was BS for her to bring the kids into it.

Now, I'm realizing that when W doesn't feel loved and appreciated, all my other passions become threats, and she attacks them. It got really old during our marriage, because I felt beat-down and attacked for enjoying anything. Co-dependency sucks.

I told her I don't want to repeat what my dad did. She said "well, don't make me feel like it's my fault that I don't feel special", which wasn't my point at all. I'm seeing some major progress here the more I take time to complement her and show that I care.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like you guys are having some good heart to hearts.

Remember to keep the R talks minimal and focus on making good memories and building that foundation. But you know that.

I love how you have figured out that she needs to be complimented and feel appreciated.

[jon2911]

Remember to keep the R talks minimal and focus on making good memories and building that foundation. But you know that.

That's great advice, and I need to remember that. Just wish she would hurry up and make up her mind...

Great weekend with my family, got to watch my dad play Sunday morning and got back in time to play last night. I've been pulling back from them some and it was very good to see them.

W called every day and again at night, which was odd because she was with family. Very nice.

Things got touchy last night, and she said "I feel like you're all interested about my family, but evasive about yours". Well, that's because she gets ticked whenever my family comes up. And she likes talking about hers. As we talk more, I'll try and not treat certain subjects as taboo, or at least not make it obvious. I tried to explain some of this to her, but she just said "we can't talk after you spend a weekend with your family" and got off.

I went to sleep, but it really hurt not to talk to her. I've been getting used to it. This morning I had a VM from 12:15 AM saying she "just wanted to talk and be sweet", so that was nice.

I can't let her ruin my PMA like that after a great weekend. I hate this relationship crap.

Had a great time with the guys tonight, Monday Night Football and a couple Jack 'n Cokes, live music. Screw the dang women