I guess it's over

[Trixi]

hey guys

start putting up some pics (and loading your frame/wallpaper) from your "new" life.

I love that idea! I think that's so funny about your H snooping.

Mr. Doom and Gloom from the Food Crawl last Tuesday (the guy who said it takes 2 years to heal and time starts when the paperwork is final) was also saying that as a newly single person, you essentially have no history. So, not only do you have to get out of the married mindset and into the single mindset, you have to start very actively making a new history as a single. Of course, I know I have a history, but I can see that it might make a new 'friend' uncomfortable if all you can say is "My X and I went there. X and I did this and that" etc.

Even if he DOES change his mind in the 11th hour...

Can you trust him?
Can you risk (emotionally/mentally) going through this again, given his history?
What would it take for you to actually feel SECURE in an R with him again?

You know- from the position of thinking it probably won't happen, I would say that I probably *could* trust him and take the risk (if he did the right things.) But, if the situation ACTUALLY presented itself...not so sure. I read a book called "Stumbling on to Happiness" and the guy talked about how we can look favorably at doing things when they are far away and as they get closer start to have major reservations. (For instance, volunteering to babysit next month, but as the day approaches, you start to see all the "problems/challenges" with agreeing to do it.) From far away things are all blurry and don't look that bad-but closer up you can see the details. This is what I think my sitch is actually like.

It is just SO hard to give up hope. How can I just give up? I know he loves me (in his own way) and I love him. The fairytale ending is really hard to release. Especially when no "spew" has occurred. He STILL says he loves me and we could "re-marry later, (if we both wanted that)". How do I re-frame that to make it hopeless? And I am not asking rhetorically- I really mean it-- how do I re-frame what he has said to me and look at it as hopeless so I can forget about him and move on?