What else can I do?

[Strong&Alive]

PK,

I've been reading this board and others for several years now, but until DQ came here, I never really "got" the seduction thing and how important it is. This is just bang on the money:

We women want to be seduced. Seduction is an art and a process. It is not a road map. It has nothing to do with how we want to be stroked or what makes us have an orgasm. It has way more to do with our MINDS than our bodies...however if done correctly, our bodies will follow along with a turned on mind.

Men are normally more than happy to do whatever a woman wants and to seduce her. However, many times a man wants a road map for this. He wants her to tell him what to do in order to seduce her.

This causes a quandary because, a woman doesn't actually KNOW how a man is supposed to seduce her. All she knows is how it makes her feel when it is done correctly.

So a conversation like this may result from the above quandary:

Husband: Gosh baby, I sure would like sex more often, but you don't seem in the mood very often.

Wife: Well, I'm just not that into it lately.

H: Hey - tell me what you need to get into it, I'm open for anything!

W: Um...well, I'm not really sure...I just need it to be exciting and not predictable.

H: Ok, well how can I make it unpredictable?

W: If I tell you how, then it will be predictable when you do it.

H: But I'm here, willing to do anything you need....but you won't tell me what it is.

W: (losing patience) I don't know what to tell you!

Now...in the above example, the husband thinks the wife has some magic formula all laid out in her own mind about what she wants and needs in order to get into the mood. He thinks she has this formula but is just refusing to give it to him.

In reality, the wife truly doesn't know! She knows that she needs "something" or that "something is missing". There is some ingredient missing, but because she is NOT A MAN, she doesn't know what that ingredient might be.

So here it goes, I will tell you what that ingredient is: YOUR OWN INNER MASCULINITY AND STRENGTH.

She doesn't know this because she isn't a man, she doesn't experience the full rush of masculinity...but she does and will (most likely) sexually RESPOND to that masculinity.

There is a lot of reading and learning for you to do on this subject...Bagheera has become nearly an expert on it so please do heed everything he says about this topic.

And I will give you a direct suggestion - one which I have given to many of the guys on this forum. Some of the guys have had success with this suggestion and others have gotten just a weird look from their wife...so be warned, it may or may not work but here it is...

Sometime when you are passing your wife in the hallway...make sure she has nothing in her hands and is not on her way to the bathroom or to do any task. The point is, do NOT do this when she has her mind fully on a task she is about to perform. So unexpectedly as you pass her in the hallway, gently but purposely and slightly forcefully, grab her by the shoulders, lightly press her up against the wall, and plant a 10 second deep passionate kiss on her. Then let her come up for breath...pat her on the butt, tell her she is beautiful and then go on with your business.

The point of this kiss is not that it will lead to sex. The point is to leave her breathless, and to show her your passion toward her while using your innate masculinity. The slight force of being pushed up against a wall is a very thrilling rush for a woman to experience coming from her beautiful, passionate and MASCULINE husband.

We do know and understand that you would love to be kissed like this too...we can help you get to that point over time...but start with YOU taking the lead and taking a risk on planting that deep kiss on her without her even knowing it is coming.

Decisiveness, Risk-taking, Passion, Physical Strength (but used in a loving way) and a dash of Ruthlessness (as in I've enjoyed kissing you, but now there are more important things to be done). That is a potent mix for getting a woman worked up. The problem is that most men (including me until recently) are waiting for the woman's permission to bring these qualities out. But that misses the point. The man should not need permission from his woman to be decisive, risk-taking, passionate strong and a bit ruthless. He should be all those things already. So don't wait for permission - as DQ says, when you see a suitable opening just go for it.

Before I go, I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions:

(1) DQ referred to the "full rush of masculinity" - what things do you do that give you that surge?

(2) What books have you read about men, women and sex?

I'm glad you came here.

S&A