I will try and tell this as straight and unaltered as I can. As you know, my W is trying to be MegaMom....which my kids deserve. She signed my son up for Cub Scouts and was supposed to be a den mom. She asked me to take him on Tuesday night....who knows why...OM? school? I brought him and I hit it off with many of the parents there and the woman SHE arranged things with asked ME to be an asst. Cub Scout leader. Be that as it may, I brought home all the info, etc, including the fund raiser (large tins of popcorn cans).
The next day, I drove off to work and decided to put one of the order forms on the fridge in the OR Lounge, common practice for the nurses and staff what with Girl Scout cookies, etc. People began signing up.
Wednesday night, I have the kids since XXX works. I am in the garage putting out the garbage. XXX comes to the door.
W: Where's the popcorn sheet? Me: Huh? W: Where's the popcorn sheet? Me: You mean the fundraiser? I put it up in the hospital to raise funds for S8. W: Bring it home. Me: What? W: Bring it home tomorrow. Me: What are you talking about? It's filling up at work. I'll bring it home next week if you want. W: Where is it in the hospital?
((????????????????????????????????)))
Me: Whoa....that's none of your concern. Get your own popcorn sheet. You know the den mother...YOU ARRANGED THIS. W: I'm calling my attorney to tell him you are witholding information on our kids.
((????????????????????????????????????))
Fifteen minutes later. I went out to my car....got the copies of all the info..INCLUDING an extra POPCORN SHEET...which I had brought home for her out of respect.
Next morning, as I was getting into the shower, my W tried to start a conversation with me about this.
Me: XXX....I can't talk about this since everytime I tried to have a civilized conversation with you, nothing but anger comes out. W: Well...all I wanted was the sheet. Me: NO...YOU THREATENED ME WITH CALLING YOUR ATTY. OVER A POPCORN SHEET.
I went to take a shower and closed the door.
Is there something wrong here?
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
KerryK..good job...you beat me to putting the link of Bogie up. Metal balls? No..she DOES bite her fingers and nails like corn cobs. To SPM, I highly recommend the movie. In fact, I am a huge Humphrey Bogart fan. Try these: -Key Largo -Casablanca -Desperate Hours -High Sierra -Treasure of Sierra Madre
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
My W did the legal threats early on. That was one of the reasons I filed - I take threats seriously.
The cub scouts are great for developing trusting relationships with other men. Our cub master is divorced himself and is a great role model of how to live your life post marriage.
thanks for the list! yes, something is wrong there.
She told you to bring it home - ok, that's a little controlling. You explained that you're getting people to sign up. reasonable.
When she asked you where it was in the hospital, you got more aggressive. "That's not your concern" is a reasonable thing to say but is a bit provocative given the circumstance. "Get your own popcorn sheet" is also passive-aggressive, seeing that you actually had another one in the car, which you could have just given her.
"All I wanted was the sheet" was her attempt at repair and apology but you were having none of it. It would have been ok for you to say "I see that now. Look, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding. We've both been tense." But you pointed out how wrong she was.
why are you living together if you have so little goodwill toward her? The undecurrent of mutual disrespect and anger - it's not helping anyone.
SPM..sadly, because, my L doesn't want me to leave the house. Custody issues here in NY. You could flip it....why doens't she leave by now?
I agree with your evaluation of the sitch, but, she is hammering me of late. She could have easily approached me and said, "I heard they gave out popcorn sales forms, did you bring one home for me?"
or
"when you are done filling it out, could you leave me a weeks worth of time to do my sales?"
Or..perhaps...I'm just 'done'.
The system in the State of NY is highly flawed. It forces us to point a finger and 'find blame' to get a divorce. We don't have uncontested D's here. Otherwise, I'm sure my W and I would have been D'd already and moving on with our lives. Instead, both our atty's tell both of us 'whatever you do, DON'T LEAVE THE HOUSE'. That leaves us constant exposure and the pain of watching each other try and move on.
I have found it almost impossible to stay completely emotionally detached. Equally, not getting your buttons pushed...on a daily basis..is difficult too.
Hence, those here that say "I'd give anything to have my W in the house with me", are truly short-sighted. That may be good in the short run, but, now...it is horrible.
After being here for almost 2 1/2 years, IMO, separation is the death knell for most marriages and many women separate not 'because I need space to think this over', but, to either pursue OM or out of guilt and allowing their M to have a slow death.
Anyway, I am tired of this. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
The system in the State of NY is highly flawed. It forces us to point a finger and 'find blame' to get a divorce. We don't have uncontested divorces here.
Sorry, FIB, this is a good thing not a "flaw". Thank God for states like NY that respect the sanctity of marriage. I don't think the NY system was designed to "force us to point a finger"....but, to ensure that there really is cause. BTW, I agree with SPM's take on your interaction with W. Remember...."Love and Respect"...stopping the "Crazy Cycle" can begin with you! Hang in there, FIB!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I wish my state had no uncontested divorces! I wish it were not so easy to divorce. It's easier to end a marriage with children than it is to fire the guy who works in the mail room.
But I hear what you are saying, FIB, about being tired. Sounds like it is very awkward for you, and it has been for a long time. Sorry...
