Check Out My Swing!-Life in the Rough

[MT35]

1hope,

How was your evening?

[MT35]

kelaaron-

I have found the less I think, or try to think, sometimes the better it is!!

[1hope]

I have found the less I think, or try to think, sometimes the better it is!!

I agree! Being busy with something else often helps.

Last night was pretty calm. I got home from work first and H called me to see what I thought about dinner. I prepped stuff for burgers and he cooked them when he got home. Small talk at dinner, he wanted us to go test drive a new truck but decided we wouldn't have time. Seemed to be depressed about the condition of his current truck and thinking we couldn't afford a new one. Said several times "this is my life." Hmmmm. I remained positive and said that we should check it out and we would not know until we go look. There are some good deals out there now.

I'm not sure we can afford it either, but was not going to be the one to shoot down his balloon. He was saying "we" so that was a good thing anyway.

He was tired and fell asleep early on the couch. I woke him up to go to bed with me at 10. He woke up at his usual 2 am and said he was going to go down and turn on the tv. I tried to wake him when the alarm went off to get in the HT, but he would not get up. I set a timer for him and took my coffee and went without him. He was still sleeping when I came back in. He had turned off the time and was still sleeping soundly. When I finally got him awake he was worried about being late. He hit the shower and I started to make his lunch. I had it all ready when he came out to get dressed and he was surprised. He gave me a kiss and said thank you.

We each continued to get ready and he asked me a question, and I answered. I turned to look at him and (tho I knew I shouldn't) I asked if he love me. He said yes. I am trying. I looked at him and he came over and gave me another kis. He said (something like) you make it hard for me... When he was saying it I thought he meant that I made it hard for nim not to love me, but then I started second guessing myself and maybe he meant I sometimes make it hard for him to love me. I didn't ask and I guess I will leave that moment alone. Whichever way he said it there was a bit of tenderness there, so like Billy Joel says I will leave a tender moment alone.

He has already called me once this morning to ask me a question about our snowplowing business. This is day 4 of me not initiating any calls to him.

I am going with a gf tonight to attend a bc function. We are both survivors and looking forward to hearing this speaker. I mentioned it to H last night and he said that I should go, but he seemed not overly enthuastic for me to be gone from him. Who knows. I didn't say it but it will give him a chance to head down to the pub. Guess we will see.

I am still struggling, wondering who the woman the 12 cell phone calls were to last month. Trying not to think about it.

[kelaaron]

Hope-don't worry about the cell phone. You can't do anything about it anyway. I know my H has been texting me more too. I would take Billy Joel's advice. Last year when the first Bomb, H told me that loving me isn't the problem. He has always been able to love me. He also told his father this. And he told me this year as well. He admits he has always stayed in the past because he loves me. So take it for what it is. That he does love you and he does know it somewhere inside of himself.

Have fun tonight. Don't worry too much if he goes to pub. He isn't there yet. I know it is easier said than done.

[1hope]

Thanks Kelaaron, I'm trying not to worry about it. I know there is nothing I can do about it. Iguess there is just someting inside me that likes to keep touching that sore spot.

When we first began to date he promised me that he would never cheat on me. He was there at the end (took 2+ uears for d) of my 1st M. He was a friend and I never thought he would hurt me like this. I still have a very hard time believing it. Even when times were rough I was always sure that we would be together forever. I thought we had that part figured out. Guess I took too much for granted.

I know that I have a lot of babysteps to be very grateful for. Just not sure why I beat myself up this way.

[MT35]

1hope,

It is great that he told you he loves you. Once again, don't think it too much. Take it for what it is, he loves you. He is making the babysteps back to you! That is wonderful. Take care!!

[1hope]

I know he is, thanks MT. I appreciate your support and positive attitude.

[kelaaron]

Hey, we always thing the ones we love won't hurt us. But that really is an unreal expectation because things hurt when you are close to people. Just try to remember he did not do this to hurt you. Hell, he didn't even do this to you, he did it to himself because he is hurting and scared and probably didn't know what else to do. Again, easier said than done I know.

In fact this morning, I went on a little rant in my head about something that I thought I had let go of. This was the last piece I hope. Just scream and get it out there and ask God or the universe to release you of it.

[1hope]

Thanks K,

That is very good advice. I thought I had finally let go of his EA from this spring, then I found these phone calls!

I do have to be released from it. It isn't me.

Hugs to you!!

[Babygirl]

Hey I got this in my email today, thought I would share it with you!


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Don't Lose This Moment

Don't lose this moment. Don't miss the opportunity to fill this moment right now with joy and love, because you are worrying about what will happen next. Don't miss the chance to take action right now, because you are thinking about yesterday's missed opportunities.

Are you confused about where your life is heading? Then take action right now. In this very moment, there are things right in front of you that you can do, to make your body healthier, to make your home more beautiful, to make your relationships more loving, or to move your business or career forward.

Don't miss this moment. It will never come again, exactly like this, exactly as you are and as it is, with the people that are in it right now.



No matter what happened yesterday and no matter what is going to happen tomorrow, right now, there is peace and love inside you, waiting to be expressed, waiting to be given form in your life. Don't miss the chance to create a wonderful moment, right now.