Seriously, my H is half crazy. So, if I didn't "do it" he would pout and hold it against me for days. So I let that influence me instead of just calling him on it. Y'know? So half my fault. The flip side for me, is that, in true passive-aggressive fashion, he criticized me a lot for not "initiating" enough..so I made a point of doing the whole waiting in the bedroom thing, as a surprise, scene set in an UNMISTAKABLE way...and he came in, glanced at me, and then acted like I wasn't there. Went about his business and then left the room, went in the kitchen and started doing dishes. Guess how many times I initiated after that? Has never been able to explain why he did that. He doesn't know. To punish me for existing is how it feels. (I told you he wasn't a normal person!!)
On the tone thing, this seems to be a major issue for us. I listen to you guys and I think...they really don't know how they sound I guess. It's hard for women to separate that, I am struggling to understand this from your POV. Another anecdote, H called me one day at lunch and we had a terse conversation, he immediately started ordering me around and I got mad and we hung up. The answering machine had recorded the convo! In an act of God, H actually listened to those messages (he normally acts like we don't have an AM)..and when he heard himself, he came and apologized to me immediately. He said he had no idea he sounded like that, and he didn't mean it that way. I was stunned. But he still does it. It is going to take en enormous leap of faith for me not to "hear" his tone, but I guess I could give him...half the benefit of the doubt...LOL. So much to think about!!!
It's hard for women to separate that, I am struggling to understand this from your POV. Another anecdote, H called me one day at lunch and we had a terse conversation, he immediately started ordering me around and I got mad and we hung up. The answering machine had recorded the convo! In an act of God, H actually listened to those messages (he normally acts like we don't have an AM)..and when he heard himself, he came and apologized to me immediately. He said he had no idea he sounded like that, and he didn't mean it that way. I was stunned. But he still does it. It is going to take en enormous leap of faith for me not to "hear" his tone, but I guess I could give him...half the benefit of the doubt...LOL. So much to think about!!!
