I went through something similar with my ex and child support. However, here in the state of Ohio, it is ALWAYS handled through the state's dept. of jobs and family services. All payments must be processed through them if there is any court order for such (through a divorce, a filing with single parents, etc.) For about the first 5-6 months post-D, the ex had the payments taken and sent to me no problem. Then he lost his job (I think he deliberately screwed it up), and I saw nothing for quite some time. Then he got a tax refund, which the state sniffed out and lifted from his bank account. (By this time, he was seriously in arrears and the tax return only put a dent into the arrears.) We played games with this for a long time. Here, if you don't pay up, you can lose your driver's license, be put in jail, or worse. I went to the hearings but the ex didn't even put in a word to defend himself (wouldn't show up). But I got the "revenge" thing because his OW would get upset with me because of course, it was a substantial amount of money.
What happened with the screaming just shows he's angry, inconsiderate, confused, and probably pretty messed up. He was hoping you'd be that passive little puppy dog just waiting...it puts him in control of the situation. You needed to be assertive and showed him that.
You are scared because change is sometimes a scary thing. We don't always know where it's going to take us. Just be confident in the knowledge that what happened, your ex probably needed or asked for on some level (even if it's not obvious to you). He needed a good ol' 2X4 upside the head. I too had to get into my ex's face a few times.
My ex was much the same way...argumentative, nasty, a blowhard, general jack@$$ when we divorced. Totally in denial about what was going on. It was all about him. He didn't think he was harming anyone or doing anything wrong. All I can say is you do get through it, around it, under it, or somehow manage to live through it. And it generally gets better.
Can you find a way to NOT have to deal with him? I realize you have young kids but any CS issues now can be deal with through the state. How old are your kids? If they're old enough, can you just let them walk to your car when you pick them up or let them walk to the ex's door without you have to go in? Can you have someone else pick up/deliver them? Anything to keep away from this nasty butthead? Who cares if he heard anything from the state? It's not your problem how he pays or what happens to him through the state. Your only concern: you get the payments.
You did good by standing up to him. The kids WILL live through it, they will survive, and they know their mom loves them.
As for the tae kwon do....I just saw it after submitting this msg...that's cool!!! Yes, that is doing something different! Enjoy it. My youngest did tae kwon do when she was elementary school and junior high. It really helped with her self esteem and confidence as well as was a really good thing for her athletic training, believe it or not--she played basketball.
