First, get some sleep. 12:15 posting! It's 5AM and here I am on your thread. Lying in bed in the dark quiet is my enemy, so on to the gym post-coffee!
I think I've said some of the same stuff as your IC. Forget looking for "openings" or softening of any kind. Don't expect it, don't create it, don't look for it. Save that energy to focus on YOU and your kids. Don't use his relatives for ANY conduit to him. Forget HIS relatives. They know where you live if they want to reach out.
I spent three years hanging on every word that my wife said or didn't say. If she said good morning, I thought that meant reconciliation! They have closed the door on us. They are all about THEM, and we are emotional road kill. The best revenge is being happy and moving on. I don't want to be harsh, but it's not happening. As sad as I am, I KNOW she's not EVER coming back, so I've closed all openings, and it's been immensely helpful for me.
Maybe he will live happily ever after with the bio^ch. But be real. The odds aren't that good. When something starts on the sly, the odds are good that they end the same way.
You're a wonderful, smart person. Celebrate that. Look at him as being sick and self-centered.
