Actually he hasn't contacted me at all today, but to be fair he's been in client meetings all day, and probably not even online much at all. Then he flies home at around 9 PM. It's possible he'll email tonight, but in all likelihood he will not. He tries to have days where he doesn't contact me, and this would likely be one of them given yesterday's interactions, and tomorrow's impending stay.
He did text me 4 times last night though, and one said "good night". So that was nice...
I believe with all of my heart that things are meant to work out with H, i.e. that it is "fated", but subject to change. Of course I could always mess it up from my side by pushing where he has asked me not to. Well, no scheduled R talk for tomorrow, but I do believe that if nothing gets aired before he comes home from drinking, one is likely to happen...I'll just play it by ear in terms of whether I push or not. I will only do what feels natural and good, and will try not to repeat old patterns. I also have a bit of the feeling that he will reach out to me prior to showing up, but it may only be idle chit-chat. I am going to try to actively avoid him until he gets home tomorrow I think. Still, I have had the feeling that something big would happen in these next 2 days, and have had this feeling for quite some time now...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
In all the changes of plans I got a little lost. Are you going to be back in Dublin for good now or are you still going back to Poland? When is your trip to the US? Where does the 2 weeks trial fit into all this?
Also. . .did you ever have that session with Jody? The one you had to cancel because of Paris? Just wondering what she would say about all this madness.
Stay dark today and then stick to the GAL plan tomorrow and everything should be fine. You just have have HAVE to stay away from any and all R talks as it always leads to disaster. There is a time and a place and that is not now.
Keep up the PMA and you'll be okay! We're all here cheering for you!
So I am going back to Dublin for good tomorrow :). Trip to the US canceled due to company cutbacks on travel :(. I might still go on my own accord though, and pay myself, but will play this by ear...
No idea about the 2 week trial. I still believe that he will be asking me to stay permanently, so am not bringing up the trial again unless he does, at least at this point.
Jody's on vacation until the 24th so can't schedule a call for awhile...
Yes will definitely stay dark today, easy enough as it's already 7 PM and I think he's on a flight or something. I will do my best to avoid too much R talk tomorrow, but if his tongue is loose from drinking, I may see how it goes...nothing too direct though, just things that hint in that direction like if he is happy that I'm there in the bed and see how he seems to be leaning. I have such a feeling about tomorrow...I will behave differently than usual if anything comes up though, I promise! I am going to be happy and positive ITH. I am going to work myself into a joyful frenzy and really, truly look forward to seeing him.
Thanks for the positive thoughts Daisy :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hmm it's 5 AM here, had a weird feeling. I checked email, nothing, but I missed a call from H just before midnight, very weird...
He was probably just getting home from his flight. Just weird and makes me a little nervous. Well I will not call back at any point as there is no message, am just going to stay offline as much as possible.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
So I just have to journal about this again. I am trying not to be so anxious, but a 12 AM call is REALLY weird from H. I feel like it would have been an R talk. I mean he could have just sent a text if he was telling me he got home or something.A 12 AM call is usually for something important. My head is spinning...I hate not getting online for work, but I think this is what I will do today, avoid the sitch as I feel a little weird and not as strong yet as I should. I guess tonight when I'm at the house I'll email and say to enjoy his night out or something. I am panicking that I pushed too far on Tuesday. Hmm who knows though, maybe 1 good thing got through from that conversation. Now I know that he thinks about everything I say...
Ok trying to get into a calmer headspace. I'll post later if anything comes up. Any advice for today?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Sorry I have been MIA for a while - work has been so busy!
It sounds to me like you have expectations and that isn't good for you, or him - PRESSURE!!
Just be cool, play it by ear. Be prepared for spew and if you get any listen, validate, listen etc. Is this the start of your 2 week 'trial'? Don't look into his actions, they are a bit random (i.e. you don't have enough info to explain them) and at the end of the day does it matter... just act on what you know.
Wow ITH.. we are in a really critical 2 week period!!!! I cant believe that your trial is happening from today, the day Mercury picks up speed and loads of other important stuff happening. You cant duck out though, you cant let opportunities pass you by, this is IT, this is your chance, so I wouldnt try and avoid stuff.
I dont know how else to explain it, but seeing as you were asking whats coming up astrologically, here is an excellent but shortish description of this 2 week window, as a result of what was triggered on the Full Moon.. the effects stretch into 2009, so I wouldnt panic? This is a bit technical and even I have to read it twice!! But read it through a few times and it might make sense! It is a pretty important window, thats for sure.
This isn't the trial, just a "grace" period of a few days I guess.
Just got home, nothing looks out of the ordinary, and I haven't heard from H at all today. I signed out of IM before I connected to the Internet as I don't want to be in a weird headspace if he reaches out to me. At this point I still feel a little bit in shock.
It is maybe a bit strange just to be home though and not say a word, so I think that around 9 PM, if I don't hear from him first, will just send a quick email asking him to enjoy his night and mentioning he really deserves to blow off some steam.
JCJ--I guess my real expectation is that H will come home drunk. Not sure how this will play out, but should be interesting. This is a whole new dynamic now, i.e. I am "home", and not going back to Poland again.
Ali--thanks for the link to the article. A lot of it sounds REALLY fitting for my current situation. Let's just hope that I can act with enough grace and dignity to demonstrate to H the benefit of a new beginning with me...
I am going to go to the store now and get some stuff to cook dinner with, and try to just relax here a bit, do some cleaning, watch TV, and make sure I remain calm and positive.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
And I knew he'd crack if I didn't get online...H just texted me to see if I'm at the house. I was going to email him 20 minutes from now. So I waited 10 to respond--don't want to freak him out here too much by ignoring this. I responded "Y, enjoy your well-deserved night out--have a pint for me."
For some reason I have zero desire to speak to him at the moment. I think it's like that last time where just being here, in our house but free of the drama for awhile really helps. I'm just laying in bed watching shows on my laptop. I am trying to act as-if everything is great between us. I think it will be tonight, I really do. I cleaned a bunch of the house, made dinner (he will never comment on me making dinner, but I still like to do it), and am wearing a super-cute nightgown to bed. I just need to feel like I have a few of the cards in this game again. Not reaching out to him tonight or today, and not mentioning last night's missed late night call have really helped me with that. I think I have a new strategy for tonight. I am not going to act excited when he comes home, but just nonchalant. Of course all bets are off if he is silly drunk and speaking freely...
Alright, back to entertaining myself with shows and relaxation time...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
