Hey Max, glad you're feeling better. Yes, time and space - give the gift of time and space.
Telling the other guy - hmm. I think it has to be up to your husband. But I'm with you, I don't see the wisdom in it.
The thing is, what is it intended to accomplish? Make H feel better? The problem is it could dump hurt on someone else. That seems unnecessary. This might be a good topic for a counseling session, if he was willing to go.
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Easiest thing for me to do, would be to pack up everything and lose myself and never have to deal with him. That is how I would love to handle this whole situation. No contact at all like SPM wife sounds like heaven to me. Then i don't have to see his pain or constantly be reminder of my part in the destruction of this family.
I think this is exactly why my wife did what she did. Insisted on no contact, etc etc.
I contributed by being hurt, which pushed her away. But she just fled the marriage. Just ran out on everything, every commitment she ever made. Running from problems - It's just a recipe for pain later on.