Seven yrs ago my wife left me for another man, I was devasted to the point of killing myself, we had two kids 10 and 6 I could not fathem losing my wife and my kids to another man, I worked my but off to win her ,I did all the right things that I learned from this forum becoming the man that she would want,confident apealing, selfassured, fun, the man she always wanted. She finnaly came around ended the affair WOM.At first it was like a honey moon all over again for the first 3 yrs, but them I started becoming the old husband that I was, my wife started to withdraw from me and I felt that the reason was that she still had feelings for the old boyfriend, the fights starded the lack of sex, in so many ways back the the olden days. About one yr ago I met someone I felt head over heels in Sex craze love with. I felt that was payback time to my wife and that since the kids were older they would be more understaing. Well its one yr later my wife decided that she was not going to beg after 8 months and she started channging her image and her attitud towards me she lost weight started working out, going out amd meeting people, I started feeling akward and jealous but still kept the girl friend. WELL THIS WEEK SHE FILIDE FOR THE BIG D.I was shocked and hurt but felt that she didnt give me any hints that she was interested in working on our relationship, well this past Sat. when she was getting ready to go out for the night I told her that I loved her I want to hold on to our relationship and would not sign any papers related to the divorce, where she replied NO ITS OVER I'm DONE WITH YOU,I want to give up the girl friend and save my marriage but affraid that if I dont play my cards right I'll loose both of them and most importantly my kids.
Just a bump here, really. I don't remember you, could have been just before I started here.
Quote:
I want to give up the girl friend and save my marriage but affraid that if I dont play my cards right I'll loose both of them
That is an odd statement. What do you mean here? Obviously if you want to salvage your M, you can't have both...as long as there is someone waiting in the wings, you are being completely unfair to both and do not have your heart into saving your M.
I dont know if I want to save my marriage,I'm very confused and feel that my wife never felt what she did regarding the affair was wrong. I feel for the kids now 14 and 19, and wish we could be a family again, but I cant see my wife changing, I love her very much but I'm just getting tired of her, overspending,no sex,no respect towards me, etc,etc.
Regarding the girl friend I just dont like being alone and I feel the wife is also playing the field and showing no sign that she wants to work on the marriage,
Welcome to divorcebusting.com...again. I guess you went by a different name before...which is ok.
Probably the problem with the confusion is the ... confusion.
To get w here you want to go....you need to KNOW where you want to go .... and set your sights on those goals. Don't start with where you think your wife is....start with knowing what you want. Then...we can help you get it.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
[/quote]but them I started becoming the old husband that I was, my wife started to withdraw from me and I felt that the reason was that she still had feelings for the old boyfriend, the fights starded the lack of sex, in so many ways back the the olden days. [quote]
Francis,
SG is right you need to decide what you want, your M or OW
You say that you feel W is seeing old BF but do you have proof? You said yourself that you slipped back into your old ways and W withdrew. Could this be why she is doing what she is doing and not OM? If it was the issue before why couldn't it be the issue now. Maybe it is an excuse you are giving yourself because you don't want to give up the OW now.
You really need to think about what you really want.
I am not trying to be mean here but I feel you need to really hear another point of view to give you something to knaw on.
I know how hard it must be to give up the OW since you are probobly on a high with her in your life right now but, Two wrongs do not make a right and you are still married.
Just my Two cents worth.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have never been so confused in my life,i just feel that our relationship will always be the same, I have always felt alone, unloved, disrespect,I've have always felt that my only purpose in this relationship has been to be the "money machine" she always wants more if we have one house she wants another, if we have a 2 yr old car she wants a new one, the one she has does not fit her "status.I'm just tired "JUST FEEL THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL ALWAYS BE THE SAME" The only reason this is so hard to do is my children, I just see the sadness in their eyes and it hurts,but I feel that I cant see myself loving her the way I want to be loved, dont you feel that somtimes some marriages are just "NOT MENT TO B" I just want to be happy, I cant remember last time I felt happy and loved.
Francis, the answer is in YOU. Not anyone else, including the wife.
No relationship is going to make you happy unless you are happy with yourself....
My ex's grandmother used to quote a nursery rhyme all of the time:
"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."
You aren't a beggar and you aren't gonna ride. You're gonna have to walk through life on your own two.
So, what do you want in your life? How can you get that? What did you learn the first time you were posting here? Is there a history someone can look up and help you with perhaps?
