I think I may belong here.

[kelaaron]

Dawn--I have actually been reading a lot of your sitch. Thanks for the input. Yes I live for my S. When he was small, it was for me, then him, but over the last few years, it somehow got turned around. I am trying to work through that because to be honest, I have become a chauffer and a cook for him as he is 14 now.

In my GAL, I am getting there. I have always been a bit of a homebody, so putting my home back together is something I'm trying to work very hard on. With H MLC, which for the last year and a half+ I just thought I was a piece of crap wife, got sick, death in family, I just got more and more depressed and really didn't do any more than the minimum. The AD's are only coming into week 3 now. I noticed a bit of a difference after about a week and this week seems even better. I hope I don't have to be on them forever but I guess whatever works....My H grandfather was on them for 20+ years and probably should have been on them his whole life.

H says no counseling period. It just doesn't work. He went to two sessions many years ago, which I thought were about our M, turns out they were about his parents, and it didn't work SO......That was his quarter life crisis, that never went beyond the replay stage. Which is why we are here now. At least that is what I believe.

Personally, right now I am considering counseling but as I have really been finding my faith and my anger has subsided tremendously. I have also been able to find forgivness for all but one person, and that is a really long long story that I won't get into right now. I am working on it but everytime I feel like I'm there, I remember more details. I am just so tired of crying over things. Today, I only had one small episode on my way to Walgreens. I am really trying not to cry infront of H.

We have had a few nice days where I have seen old H, and then tonight he just slipped into anger/depression. I think he has been fighting going there for a few weeks now, but I'm really not sure. Of course, he will go to work for the next 4 days and be in a good mood there (H puts on a great face) and then we will see when he comes home. But he has even been cranky with S. Not bad, just snippy. Want to read more of your sitch as I am really having difficulty with having him at home. I just want to act like his wife, especially since I'm starting to feel like the old me again. I guess it is better than having him out somewhere else though.

Thanks for the words of encouragment.