For the Guy with Kids and a WW Diez y Seis

[hopeful4her]

I forgot that I have a parent/teacher conference today for D7. I'm gonna HAVE to see the wife today. I found out that later, after that, D11 has been wanting to go to a local restaurant that has kaoroke(sp). She has been wanting to give it a try. I am surprised that she wants to try it. She has a BEAUTIFUL voice. Like I would miss that. So again, we'll be together tonight.

It's so damn hard to be dark with her.

I just got off the phone with my girlies. D11 answered apologizing to me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I told her not to worry about it. Silly girl. They were being a little rushed. She said that momma got up late and had a hard time getting Juli up. I asked if they ate fried chicken last night, because when I left, S14 was saying that is what she told them she was going to make. She said no, all dejected. I asked what happened and she said she didn't know. I asked if mom got off late and she said yes, she had to stay for something at work.

It sounds like the wife has the day off today, too. I took the day off today to go see about a speeding ticket. Boss told me to just take the whole day off because I have too much vacation time left. She told to take half the day yesterday and half the day on Thursday. There's two days taken care of just like that.

I wonder if I should bring up to JuliAna's teacher that I met that other teacher that JUST LOVES her, in front of the wife?

Too much?

I just checked my work email. Her emails keep getting quarantined. I'm going to have to tell her to use my yahoo email. She sent,

"Good Morning,



I am thinking of putting JuliAna at the Primetime YMCA at Helotes Elementary. The cost is $195.00/month with a $30.00 Membership fee. We would both be paying $112.50 for the first month and $97.50 every month. I don’t want her to stay at anyones house because I feel she needs to be more active than she has been and they are opened until 6:30. I am working on my schedule to be able to leave no later than 5:45 each day. What do you think? Any suggestions. We were paying less with Mimi but yet she was only there for an hour, and she really didn’t like it. Let me know soon

Thanks

C "

I think I'm going to have to get with her today on that too. We'll have to get her enrolled in school and pay today.

Again, I'm going to have to deal with her in doing that.

Oh boy. I'll call her later.

[InLikeFlynn]

You right no dating!!! I got carried away. You need to maintain the high road for your kids. Even if it means living like a monk for awhile. They will look back at this situation and how you handled it when they are adults and know their father did everything he could and was man of integrity. Your relationship with your girls will have a direct effect on who they date and marry. At least that is what I hope with my now 18 year old. She has been a daddy's girl and spoiled with love and attention. So far she has been good and has taken it easy on me despite getting her looks (and figure) from her mother!! Now she is in college...the rest is up to her.

[hopeful4her]

I would make one crappy monk. Each passing day, I take as another day I held out and did the right thing. It's painful, though. And messes with my head. Unconditional love sucks when its not reciprocated.

I called the wife earlier. No answer on her cell. I left no VM. She called back about 30 minutes later. I told her that I had to go into town to take care of a ticket. I asked if she wanted to take care of getting the futon today. I am off today.

"No. I've got plans today. I might take care of it this weekend. I'm off on Saturday."
"And Juli? Are we going to put her in the Y?"
"Yeah. I don't have much of a choice."
"Should we enroll her today?"
"I'll take care of it."
"Oh. Ok. Then I'll talk to you later, then."
"Ok. Bye"

In that stupid high pitch voice she uses in a sarcastic way.

I ended up calling her back about another half hour later. I wanted her to take D11's glasses with her. The lense came out and I needed to take them to the eye glass place.

"I thought Amanda said that you were fixing them already?"
"No. She left them on the little bar thing you have."
"Oh. I'll just take them myself."
"Thats fine. If you want to. By the way, you need to send any emails to me to my yahoo. All your emails are getting quarantined."
"Really? You got the one I sent you yesterday pretty quick."
"No. I just got that this morning."
"But you responded to it right away."

We must have been on the phone at the same time, getting information on the afterschool program. She sent her email to me 5 minutes before I sent my email to her. I had no idea. She thought I was just responding to her with my email.

What a coincidence. I tell her that.

"You know.....I was thinking of going ahead and getting the futon after Juli's conference. No use puting it off. Could you just do me a favor and break it down so it can fit in the car."
"Amanda said that ya'll were going to karioke after the conference."
"Yeah, we ARE going tonight."

Ok, I guess I'm not invited.

"I was thinking that we'll take that thing you have back to your mothers."
"Why?"
"You don't have room."
"It's ok. It's just temporary. It'll fit."
"Ok. Not sure if it will fit in the Rodeo."
"We'll, I need to get going on these errands that I need to finish by 3. It looks like it wants to rain again."
"Its raining where I'm at."
"Well, we'll just play it by ear."

She was cold. Some kind of plans. Maybe the day with OM? Maybe an appt with an L? No response about the book or the money.

I left it wrapped in the plastic Borders bag on her bar counter thing.

She either got it or she didn't see it yet. Not my concern. I did it.

Just like a WS. Show nothing, give nothing. Like LWB said, I think its in their playbook. I THINK lwb said it to karen.

Anyway, went in to extend my court date to finish my online defensive driving course and then went to rent a couple video's. It was raining a LOT. Good day to be home and just chilling. Will watch my movies. "21" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Someone told me it was really funny.

[karen43]

"21" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Someone told me it was really funny.

Oh, I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall. My theatre guy friend took me to that. I think it is really funny if I hadn't just had my H move out I think it was that week or right before I saw the movie!!! Basically it's about a guy who gets dumped and going through all that. Yeah, funny, but not right after you get dumped. I was thinking I really would enjoy it in 6 months or a year or something. Like Kat with "Dan In Real Life". You can laugh about it later I think, but harder to when it just happened. So I don't know where you are right now if you will like that or not.

Btw, we both need to LRT. I'll betchya I can do less talking to my H than you can with your W, if you're interested. Talking about the kids is allowed. I didn't talk to H at all last night! Although I'm going to say hi and bye usually of course (I was just too sick). Karen

[hopeful4her]

I'll take you up on that.

Unfortunately, your already winning. I have to go to teacher conference right now and we'll both be there. Then she might come over to pick up the futon.

I've been home watching Sarah Marshall. It is funny as hell so far.

I gonna act like I haven't been home today, though.

Talk at ya' later.

[LL44]

Sarah Marshall is hilarious!!!! Glad you are watching it.

Question. When you have these conversations with your wife, how are you feeling? Do you think you come across to her as cold or insensitive? I only ask because I realized I was talking with my H in a very cold tone, and he would respond that way. If I used a teeny bit of warmth, he would come around. But I find that walk away-women shut down so much more emotionally and physically than men, so who knows?

have always told myself that it would NOT be me to file. Its gonna have to be her, but then I keep thinking...how long would I let her keep me in a limbo stage?

That would be tough. Good luck, tomorrow.
Where are you posting now?

I never thought I would be the one to file, but honestly, I cannot live like this anymore. I feel so unloved, so disrespected, so lonely. My divorce tomorrow will be awful, but it will feel better because I will no longer have a husband that is actively cheating on me. Make sense?

I am over in Surviving now.

[hopeful4her]

Hey lwb.

When I talked to her, I try to come off as cool as I can. Sometimes I can come across as all business, but not typically. Her response to me this morning was one of guilt, I think. Who knows? I know her pretty well. Her unwaranted defensiveness is always a dead giveaway.

One day she is nice, the next day, she can be as tough as a snake. Thats just her. Her push away mechanism. My answer to her of "Ok, then I'll talk to you later" is MY shut down mechanism. I say it quickly and try to get off the phone.

I did finish the Sarah Marshall movie. It WAS hilarious!! It had me laughing and laughing! Now I'm going to have to see "Knocked Up". Funny to see myself in a couple of scenes. I was laughing at myself. The only hard part was watching her supposedly coming to her senses and then when they were in her bedroom, with her saying she missed him.

That was her a year and a half ago. We had big problems for about 2 months. We gave it another try, and on the night we had sex again, she told me those same words.

"I missed you." Right in the middle, me on top, holding me close to her.

Ahem, anyhooooo.....

I got to the teacher conference a couple minutes late. She was already sitting with the teacher. She was in a light kinda skimpy T that she has had and her shorts. The one pair she looks good in. Very casual. Like she was doing some work. Not meeting an L or anything like that. Like, just running around. I say hi to the teacher and then the wife tells me hi. We talk about Juli and she is talking very highly about my little girl. A little of a rough start, but doing nicely now. We talk about a couple things just like parents should. When we finish, and I'm kinda joking and being cool, I mention to the teacher that I met someone that "Just LOVES you!".

She says, "Oh really?" and SHE makes a joke about so many that do. I say that girls first and last name. Not Mrs. so and so.
"Oh, really. Oh she is so nice....do you have a child in her class?"
"Uh..no. Actually I met her this weekend."

I wanted to look at the wife so bad, but I didn't want to blow my coolness.

We end up leaving and walking towards our cars and Juli is wanting to go play in the playground for a bit. We say ok. On the way, the wife tells me that she did NOT enroll her in the Y. They wanted the enrollment fee, the rest of October and all of November now. Be paid up until Decemeber. She says that she didn't have the money. She is going to ask the lady for another week.

I'm thinking, if she didn't have the money, why even try to enroll her? Or at least let me know.

Another thing I was thinking about. She has no bed still. I would think that the OM would have bought her one by now. He has to have some money. I believe that he has been giving her some. Not 100% sure, but I just see no way that she is making it on her paycheck. That night of our talk in her kitchen last week or so, she was saying how she has learned to stretch a dollar. She was spending a lot at first, she admitted, but then learned a lesson.

I just don't know. If it were me, I would have at least gotten her a bed. My son is on sleeping bags. She is on her sofa. Doesn't make sense.

Anyway, at the playground, I agree with asking the lady for more time. One JuliAna's friends from the party is swinging and she asks me to swing her. The wife is swinging Juli and I'm pushing Devaney. The wife and I talk a bit about her dad, who I was talking to at the party. It is the grandma who is there with her. She tells me that the grandma picks her up everyday. She does not work anymore. I say, "Ohhhh".

She says, "I'm gonna go talk to her. Maybe we can have HER stay with Juli." She gives me her "Okay, here I go" look and goes to sit with the grandma. I stay with the girls and we are playing and really having a good time. My little even gets a little jealous with me playing with her friend a little too much. It was cute. I can remember being that little and being the same way with my mom.

We stay for about 35 minutes. As I'm playing with the girls, I look over to the wife and give her my head nod, like, "Well?" She looks back at me and gives me the smile and sideways pursed lip. That tells me no.

We know each other so well.

We all leave and we are now at the cars. Juli is wanting to go to the gas station as usual. We both say no. She is going home and the wife is saying that they have to go fix supper.

"Besides, we have to go eat and then Amanda wants to go to do kaoroke(I just don't know how to spell that stupid word)."

I say very casually, "You know...if you want to go to Perico's, you gonna have to get there before 6. After that, you won't be able to even find a seat."
"Oh. You've been there?" she asks kind of surprised and defensive at the same time.
"Yup." I only say. She is giving me the "M hmmm" look.

Strapping my little one in and telling her goodbye.
"Tell daddy goodbye. We have to go."
"But I want to go to the gas station."
"No. I don't have the money."
I look at the wife and ask her,
"Did you get the money, because Amanda was playing like she was going to take it."
She pauses for a second. I thought she was about to ask me, "What money?"
I look at her. "You mean the money in the book?"
"Yes."
"Yes, I did. And thanks for the book." She said this without looking at me and kind of quietly. Like she didn't really want to tell me thank you. Me getting her the book, pushed some kind of button. Guilty button, sad button, angry button. Not sure which one it was. It wasn't meant to push anything, other than show her I thought about her. Like a stoopid.

I don't say anything back to her. No "your welcome". I just say goodbye again, close the door and give a wave.

Now is a good time for the darkness.

I liked how I brought up the teacher. I liked her look when she asked me about the restaurant. She was watching me playing with our daughter and her friend. And I looked and smelled good.

Played very cool. Not that it matters, really, but it felt good.

Just gonna worry about myself. I got some good plans for the weekend.

[hopeful4her]

I never thought I would be the one to file, but honestly, I cannot live like this anymore. I feel so unloved, so disrespected, so lonely. My divorce tomorrow will be awful, but it will feel better because I will no longer have a husband that is actively cheating on me. Make sense?

Believe me, it makes sense. It makes a LOT of sense. I may get there someday, myself.

I'll say a little prayer for ya' for tomorrow.

You did the best thing for you and for your kids.

[whatdidido]

What are your plans for the weekend?

[LL44]

"Ok, then I'll talk to you later" is MY shut down mechanism

Mine too. Big time. And my H knows it too, and lets me get off the phone when this happens. We both know going further with whatever talk got heated isn't good.

"Uh..no. Actually I met her this weekend."

LOVE IT! And loved it even more that you did not glance at W. With that, the smell good thang, the dad pushing the swing thing, you had a good night.

And yes, darkness now. Darkness with kiddo talk of course.

We know each other so well.

Sad and oddly comforting at the same time, isn't it?

Thanks for the kind words for me too by the way!