Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

So I had to see STBXH again this morning for parent/teacher conference at S's school. After it was over, STBXH asked me if I wanted to get a cup of coffee at the coffee shop across the street. We sat down and he began to talk again. Told me that he is still messed up in the head, still trying to find out what he wants to do when he grows up. I said why not just "be". He told me he had thoughts of quiting his job and trying to become a carpenter...here is the thing, I am the one who owns the power tools at my house. I thought this was kind of funny but did not say anything.

He asked me when I thought I would be able to go back to work. I said I did not know and the fact that I will be getting all F's for the semester I did not complete makes it so I still have an entire year before school is complete. He said just tell them that your @sshole H left you when you had cancer for OW. People can understand that. Play me off as the bad guy. I looked at him and said that there was nothing to "play". He looked down and said yeah, he knew he was the bad guy. I just let it drop.

He brought up that he is feeling frusterated because he has gained some weight. I asked how much and he said 15 lbs....it looked a little more than that to me but who cares. He told me that he has just been eating too much ice cream. Part of me was like "Um, hello, last night you are telling me how poor you are and you can only eat raisin bran cereal because you are so broke. Now the story is changing." Of course it is changing. He cant tell me the truth to save his life right now. He wants to take his girlfriend out and cant because he cant manage money. Funny, I seem to be able to SAVE money during this period. His journey.

As I was sitting across from him I felt like I was not connected to him anymore. I felt like I was just sitting with someone that I had know for awhile, that is it. He is still trying to show me the path to enlightenment, yet he his is still so lost. He keeps trying to convince me how happy he is in his life yet complains about how he is feeling, complains about his his job and complains that he has so much baggage he is carrying around. I am just shaking my head on the inside because I know I am no longer apart of his drama. He did let it slip that his OW has said a few harsh things about me. I just responded that I did not care what she thought of me. SHe was not a part of my world at all. That was his world.

As he was leaving he made a comment about how he hoped somebody or other didnt make me feel bad. I dont quite remember the reference. I just looked at him and smiled really big and said "STBXH, no one can make me feel bad.I get to chose how I feel and I chose to feel happy." He looked at me and said he was so glad to hear me say that. For so long I would say "but you made me feel this way, but you made me feel that way..." about him. Told him I guess I finally grew up.

He asked if he could drive me home and I said no thank you. I wanted to enjoy the day so would walk. As I was walking away he yelled over at me thank you. I just smiled and said your welcome. As he drove past me he honked and waved and I just kept smiling becuase it did not hurt that he was leaving.