Trying2Live-New Post #2

[TxMomw/2girls]

Hi ladies and any newcomers to this post... this will be long so sorry in advance...

T2L - you are giving us some good information... thanks and keep it coming... Playing it neutral - I like it although hard to know exactly how to implement at times. You are doing great and hope for all of us... It is hard as I feel discouraged often of the fact that my H is fully involved in this relationship with OW something big would have to happen for him to hit his rock bottom and for the fog to lift.

Hope - you are struggling and I am praying for you... I pray for all of you. My first week with H out I had to detatch too..it was sooo hard to see him and easy when I didn't ... that is also when I started posting on this thread and started getting such good advice here.. I was able to start separating the OW from our M problems and could let my guard down.... take time for you and stay around positive people that keep you encouraged...

Marisol - we both have H that have gone off the deep end with 20 year old girls.... I find it hard that those girls will stick around but of course I have fear too... I don't want my H to marry her or have anymore kids... he never wanted more kids but he isn't telling her that - I just had this conversation with my H not too long ago and he said they haven't talked about that stuff yet... He will tell himself anything to justify what he is doing is ok... I want to tell my H - do you really want to be 43 or 45 and have babies in diapers... we already were older parents to begin with and were so glad to be done having kids so we could get them out of diapers... Does our H really want to put more kids to college or buy cars for them or never join the country club (which is a big deal for my golfer H) .... of course it would go in one ear and out the other... so you and I have those fears of H possibly having more kids ... what a joke ... I would die!!! day by day -

Jgrind - I posted on my thread about your sitch.. don't contact H friend... not now.. it will look and seem as a ploy to control him and his feelings... letting go is so hard but we must...

TwinHope - we are also in similar situations with our babies being so young... I will die if and when my H brings the OW around my kids ... I might go off the deep end... how do you get through it?? you will be my strength when the time comes.... He is also trying to keep you at arms length.. he can't handle you not wanting him ... he wants to keep all his options open... you are doing great by detatching and GALing...

OK updates on me and I'll post on my thread more details... I got into it with my H yesterday morning when he wasn't available when my 5 month old was choking.. most of you posted on my thread about this and thank you... nice to see some of you have already been there.... I realized that the "first" for everything will hurt and then I now know to not expect anything moving forward... I am traveling today and told him that I didn't need him watching the girls ... well last night and today via some post on my "newcomers" thread I realized that I need him to know that I trust him and that the girls need him too.. When I show my disappointment in him it only makes him feel worse about himself and validates that I don't make him feel good.

I sent him an email stating out some things - ie.. for him to call our D4 at a certain time and check on our 5 month old everyday so when my D ask about daddy I can tell her you'll talk to him later tonight .... Also that his phone is his only lifeline to the kids and that the ringer needs to be on and he needs to check it often when he is not with the girls.

So I called him this morning from the airport and told him again sorry for getting so upset yesterday on the phone. I told him it is just so hard for me to understand where his mind and heart is when it comes to the kids. I asked him that I would like him to watch the girls tonight and tomorrow until I return and he said he wants too but didn't know if I wanted him too. That he had a horrible day yesterday because of what happen.. he felt he has let the girls down and me. I reassured him that prior to all this happening to us that he has always been a wonderful father and I've always trusted him with them. That his girls always came first- told him he would have won the Dad of the year award...

I am going to continue to play neutral, nice, friendly and upbeat best I can ... I have gotten better and I don't talk R or OW often with him... BUT with mine and Marisol girls being so young with no kids it makes our H feel young and free and our OW don't have any other obligations to kids or house so they are always available to be free spirited...

Question then I'll rap it up.... I want to suggest counseling for him or us to help us handle this seperation better? Anyone do this with H while seperated? I know some have on other post ... He needs to b/c he is depressed but I know suggesting this will only turn him.... I also want to start inviting him to do things with us and the girls but affraid he'll turn us down

we'll see.... so hard still - day by day...