What now ?

[Little Engine]

To give you another perspective on what DQ says. I would offer go into the date without sex being the end goal. Just show your W a nice time with NSA. Could there be a trust issue at work? Maybe W doesn't feel that she can trust you with her emotions? That is why she willing to get off together alone. If you are pressuring her for sex and aren't getting it, then you need to not pressure her for sex and see if you do.

My W was abused sexually by her father, and incest really distorted her view of what is love. The last thing you want is W to view you as being in the role of her abuser. Neither one of you will be happy and it is something that I don't think can be overcome once that line has been crossed.

You are correct that if W doesn't want C, you cannot make her go, but you are willing to work on you and that counts for a lot. Has your W ever gotten counseling for the abuse she suffered? C helped my W, and she went through that before we were married. She still has issues that I think go back to her mother and that explains her A's and wanting D.

I am reading the things that you are looking for sexually and those don't seem out of line, but it looks to me like you are making the sexual disconnect the focus instead of trying to heal the disconnect in your M.

I'm not a C, just trying to share what I know from my experience so you won't travel down the cheesless tunnels I did. D is not fun!