Why would anyone forgive infidelity?

[Yoyowife]

TnGuy,

I'd like to add my $.02. Until this awful experience happens to you it's easy to say what you would do. I'll be honest I was one of those who always thought if it happened to me I would leave him and not look back. I often said too, that I didn't understand why the betrayed spouse hates the OP so much. It was the WAS that had the commitment to you, not the OP.

Oh, how everything changed when I actually experienced the pain of betrayal. It is like a death. Actually, sometimes I wonder if it isn't harder than death. My mother died and it hurt like no pain I had ever felt until this happened. I knew my mother did not choose to leave me but my husband did.

With infidelity you go through various stages, disbelief, denial, self-blame, pain, grief, anger, etc. I was so upset with my H, but I was more upset with the OW. I wanted to blame her for everything. Why? Because I loved him and couldn't believe the man I had been with for over 20 years and had raised a family with could do this to me. I still have a strong dislike for the OW. I'm not sure I'll ever get over that. You not only are losing the love of your life, you are also losing your security. It rips your family apart as well causes problems with the extended family and friends.

I wish it was as simple as getting angry and getting even, but it's not. Until you experience it you just don't know what you will do. I've seen so many people try to work on their marriage after a betryal. I never understood it then, but sadly, I do now.