I guess it's over

[MaxP]

Hi Trixi,

Sorry it's taken so long to reply, I seem to be really busy at the moment. Not sure where the time goes, phew!

Glad to hear that you are starting to have some fun outside of your sitch. Meetup is a really good organisation for meeting people. I go to a book club near here and it's been great for forming a new social group, especially since I decided to detach from all of W's friends at the same time as her. That left me out in the cold a little bit, since my W did most of the social organising before the sep. The good news is that I'm now really busy all the time, I'm actually craving a bit more free time.

I guess you will feel a lot of emotion of the next few months. The mind and the heart are rarely in step. It's taken me a long time to finally not expect things / hope to hear from my W. It's been about 3 weeks since we last had any communication. I still think about what happened quite a lot, but it feels like it's on the way out. Hurray!

You are right when you say it's not about you, it's about him. Particularly in your sitch. Your H basically doesn't want to commit but will still invest as little as possible to keep his options open. You deserve more and you know it. It's to your credit that you've tried as hard as you have done. I can't believe it's almost been 4 years for you. Wow. That must have been very emotionally draining.

What's new with me? Well, I am now seeing someone, which is really fun. Must be where some of my free time is going! I'm also trying hard to maintain a balance and keep improving my social circle. As I've said, I haven't heard from my W in a few weeks, although I went to see her dad for the first time since the sep about a month ago. It was a little weird but nice. All finances are sorted, I'm now stuck with a large mortgage in a depreciating market - hurray! But it's my space. Things between us have run pretty smoothly all things considered, but it's taken a lot of effort and counting to ten. One weird thing is that the last couple of times my W and I have had contact was the first time I felt that the tables had evened out. She seemed to almost want more of my time than I did of hers. Mind you, all contact has now dropped away. I don't know what that means for us long term.

Nice to have had some good contact with your SS. He sounds perceptive and good to have around.

Max