Thanks, she has excellent advice and I follow it to the letter. I have told my kids that I don't wish to hear about there mom unless they feel it is very important to me. I have put togehter a list of people i do not wish to engage in conversation with about my W, read it, memorizd it then destroyed it. This brake job does have me anxious, can't really explain it. I think because once it's done, the rope will be dropped and the ball will be completely in her court regarding our R/M. I have things I need to focus on, the finances, the holidays and he camp closing. This is huge because my biggest support group next to all of you has been them. I am looking forward to not going there to stand on my own two feet and see how i come out of it. They are only a phone call away, but I need to know that I can handle my down days by myself. Look in on me and thnaks,
I can not add anything to the stellar way in which Sandi ripped your face off and handed it to you on a platter but I do hope you won't be suffering from anymore rectal-cranial inversions where other women concerned.
Now just get the brake job done and press on.
You really are still doing better than most others do when they first come here.
THANKS. I needed the slap and ass chewing. It just blew me away how she had called and what not. Anyhow I am wanting this brake job done. I should have done it yesterday when I got home and she was there. It will be done tonight. She asked if I was sure I could do it tonight, last night. I told her I promise, and I haven't broken one yet. A little sarcasm on my part.
I am still doing good, would be better if the MIL didn't reiterate all of that crap to me the other night. Takes time to recover everytime I hear it. It's like a shot to the chin. Anyway, once this brake job is done, then any communications will be from her to me. As it will be. I have my week pretty much scheduled out and I am looking forward to havimg my grandson. Thanks for checking in, I don't mind getting pulled back in when it is necessary. Temptation would have been great if I had fallen or if she came to my camp.
Hey LD--Think of fun things you can do with grandkids as a distraction. My neices and nephews have been a great distraction during my struggles with BF though I've had to be careful because he felt that I over focused on them (and he was right). Kids do have perspective that is pretty amazing.
You are getting wonderful advice and we all have experienced similar emotions at one point or another. Also, think of what you have accomplished... stopping drinking in itself is pretty amazing. Shifting your focus to other areas of life to "get in order" is very helpful also. When your wife does come back, won't it be great to have those areas under control? Less stress and chaos to complicate.
Hang in there.... be careful with the brake job. Dropping the rope and complete detachment used to scare the he** out of me, but I'm getting used to it... It is not fun at first, but it does get better and some amazing things can and do happen.
My thoguths exactly. She comes back to the prize. Brake job should be done by 6:30 tonight, couple of hours away. I'm feeling that real empty feeling inside again. don't understand why, but I have a feeling it's the hearing all the crap again. Plus being emotionally alone doesn't help. I'm functionaing well, but having a hard time focusing awayfrom my feeling s for her. My mind has had a chance to relaxt this weekend, and I am starting to think I shouldn't have done it. I know I had to slow down, but I think I should've kept busy instead of decompressing. Lots of pain right now....Think maybe the thought of her brakes being done is going to close the door for a while...
Brake job is done. Found out she went to a dance down at my camp sunday with OM. I guess his wife and her friends were there and he got into a heated debate. they left a short time after. i guess my W tried to warm up to some of the campers with him, but they gave her the cold shoulder. I knew she was going to when she asked if I was going to be there and I told her I couldn't. Pain strikes deep. Bad enought she left but now she's gotta get into the people who I look to for support? And with him? I guess people were pretty upset and others were OK. Won't have to worry about it after this weekend. My friend thinks she is going to places where she has more friends because he doesn't. Wish this sh@# would end. But I guess, as Sandi put it, your changes were so fast you are expecting everything to be that quick. I guess I am. I am chilling tonight. Dropping the rope. I will read DR, have some coffee and think deeply. I hope to dream again, soon. Won't have anything to do with her now. After this report, the pain from hearing about her and OM together around my friends, I am equally mad and upset. Empty feeling is there, but mostly because i want her in my void, not him in hers.
Her friend is not pursuing me. She called tonite looking for the W. No conversation, no inuendos. I seriously believe now it was a test, whether my W was invloved or not, i believe it was. I passed.
Will spend some serious time looking at finances tomorrow night and redoing my budget. Filling holes with projects. Feels strange getting her brakes out of the way. Her brother sat out there with me while I did them. She said thanks guys for doing my brakes. i didn't respond. She said thanks again to me as she left and I said,"hmmm" No emotion, no happy response, not really any feeling at all. I think I almost made her feel like she was putting me out. And she was. My goal is to get through the week on solid ground. I am going to the country line dancing lessons on Monday. Got to. Got to do something other than projects and occassionally the gym. I will hit that hard this week. Need to get out, mingle and see what's going on. I'm not looking for love, have it, but need to be realistic that I can hang on forever, and die alone. there are no guarantees, but with all of your support and my friends and family, I have hope that this will end and it will make our R better and stronger in our M. But my attitude and my changes also tell me not to close my eyes to everything around me.
LD - Way too much drama here. Almost has a junior high school quality to it.It is odd to read about that kind of behavior at your Ws age.
You need to extract yourself from this BS. The more I hear about your Ws behavior and the fact she is rubbing it in your face, the less I understand the attraction. You're better than that.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
I hear ya. what keeps puzzling me about all this BS is the night before the bomb she told a friend of ours that she had been going through my phone at night to see who I had been calling , who had been calling me, and texting. Then this....
It is my daughters b'day Friday and she told me that my W said she would make a cake for tomorrow night because D wants to go out with friends on friday (17, I understadn). My D just told me that the W wants me to buy the cake mix. I will just buy a cake and be done with it. W used to make all the b'day cakes when the kids were younger.
Feel really empty today as i have dropped the rope after doing her brakes. Again, i wasn't very pleasant , happy or upbeat when she left, I was on the phone with a friend of mine. she said thanks again for doing my brakes and I gave her a "yup", and that was it. I wanted her to get the feeling she had put me out, not that I was ecstatic for the brake job because it was for her. I thought that would be the best way to end that conversation, put that little thought in her head.
I posted in my journal last night "I will not be a doormat for her anymore". Keeping busy and waiting for the opportunity to say no to her. Am i being too vengeful thinking this way? I want her back, but I am seeing the errors of my ways of doing things for her and being an "enabler". This is over. I will not give in to her requests and will not be at her beckon call. I am going dark. ince my D said it ws her idea for tomorrow, which I don't think it ws, I will not invite her as it is my house.
My ExW used to do the same thing. Go through my e-mails and check my phone. I never strayed once in our 22 year marriage and never gave her a reason to think otherwise. I was very content to be a one woman guy! So I couldn't understand her actions. I thought it ironic that she would be like that and then have an affair herself. However, upon further thinking on this, quite often people will project their feelings onto those closest to them. In other words my ExW and your W thought because they were contemplating an affair, that we might be doing the same.
I on the other hand have never been a suspicious,jealous insecure spouse. I trusted my ExW completely. As a matter of fact, my ExW sharing her body with another man hurt much less than the absolute betrayal of my trust. It took me scant little to get over the physical part of the affair. It is the breach of trust, the lies, the lack of empathy that killed me.
Those that are suspicious without merit are worthy of suspicion.
Me- 47 W- 45 Married 22 years Together 30 years No Kids, 1 dog, 1 Cat 2005 - 2007 W in MLT 1/08 - Crisis hits 3/08 W drops Bomb and leaves in the middle of the night. Admits to PA 4/08 W files for divorce 8/08 Divorce final
Funny you would say that about their searching, exactly what I was thinking. I have read where the unhappy spouses attitude and feelings are often sought after in the loyal spouse. It gives them all the more right to do what they did or are comtemplating. I can't explain everything that I feel, I do know I love her and my feeling that she is not the woman I fell in love with as of late is the biggest reason for my hope that she returns. I hope this person she has become moves out of the way long enough for my real W to see my light and find her way back. How are you doing?
