Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

[missmyfriend]

Imageer,

I can understand why InlikeFlynn would think that maybe a different strategy may help. Usually if something isn't working, it is a good idea to change it.

In your situation, you being friendly to your wife is real. It isn't a strategy, unless I am mistaken. If I made things rough on my W (and we know our situations are nearly identical including dealing with OW, personalities, etc), she would feel justified in her actions. It would push her further away. And how I am with my wife is really how I want to be whether she comes back or not.

I will never regret loving her unconditionally. She really needs it since she has never received unconditional love from a person before (other than our children).

Tough love can work in some situations or making the person fail on their own. In my case, I am there for my wife as a friend only. I do not help her financially. I can't. I am taking care of our 3 children.

What was lost between my W and myself was our friendship. And, if she is right, that we were never that close of friends, then I hope we can be again.

I hope I did not offend InLikeFlynn as I think that was a good suggestion of someone who wants to see your marriage restored. My opinion is that slow and careful (or gentle and loving) wins the race. Plus I want a sincere representation of who I am and not doing any special thing to get my wife to return that will only be a temporary fix or return. If she comes home, I want it to be her deciding because we are a family.

This MLC thing, if this is what it is, takes a long time to overcome. Patience is critical. Reviewing what you are doing is smart but doesn't necessarily mean you should change it if you don't see immediate results.

Besides MLC, our Ws have something far worse that they are dealing with and it will be very challenging finding away to drastically change how they see themselves yet again and hopefully to a healthy state.