You're right. I don't think I could have lived with myself if I didn't offer to help. Its not my nature. Regardless of whether or not he misses me, I need to help.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You know, the other thing that you offering to help does is show him that YOU can take care of yourself. It shows your independence and strength. I think it might actually be a good thing, even if at first it might not have felt that way.
(((((Lola)))))
You know, it's kind of neat that you actually CAN help, isn't it!
Hmmm, you know, Jeff, that is an interesting way of putting it. I didn't think of it that way, but yes, it does feel good that I can help. I am not expecting anything out of it, but to know that I can help is actually pretty cool!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi Lola, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while, but I've been following your sitch. I'm sad to hear that you're going through a rough patch just now. It's certainly the hardest thing we'll ever go through, next to the the situation that poor Jeninven found herself in.
But you are so strong, so positive and truly great person. It must be very hard to keep going when you get these setbacks, but as you rightly say, you do not want a divorce. I believe that one day, your H WILL realise what he has been missing. Heck, he probably knows now. But having you around helping him has probably triggered feelings of deep guilt, doesn't want to cause you further pain when he feels at this time unable to reciprocate and is thinking that his only escape route is by initiating the D conversation.
I know that it's inherent in your nature to be gracious, helpful and giving, particularly where your H is concerned, and perhaps that feeling of longing and deep love precludes you from really detaching.
I actually really hate that word!! Who knows what it means eh? But I have heard that sometimes it's only when we really really let go the rope that change can be allowed to occur. Limboland is purgatory, no matter how strong, determined, or patient we are. We are only human, and the hardest thing truly is to try to let go of that which we most desire.
I feel your pain.
But dust yourself off, and keep on doing what you do best. You are an inspiration and a source of great comfort to others here, myself included.
I wish I could say something more positive to you, I really do. But I guess it is what is is right now.
Take care, thinking of you.
Grant
me: 45 w: 43 Married 19yrs Separated 6 months 2 children Bomb April2008 OM/EA May 2008. Not filed yet.
Hi Lola, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while, but I've been following your sitch. I'm sad to hear that you're going through a rough patch just now. It's certainly the hardest thing we'll ever go through, next to the the situation that poor Jeninven found herself in.
But you are so strong, so positive and truly great person. It must be very hard to keep going when you get these setbacks, but as you rightly say, you do not want a divorce. I believe that one day, your H WILL realise what he has been missing. Heck, he probably knows now. But having you around helping him has probably triggered feelings of deep guilt, doesn't want to cause you further pain when he feels at this time unable to reciprocate and is thinking that his only escape route is by initiating the D conversation.
I know that it's inherent in your nature to be gracious, helpful and giving, particularly where your H is concerned, and perhaps that feeling of longing and deep love precludes you from really detaching.
I actually really hate that word!! Who knows what it means eh? But I have heard that sometimes it's only when we really really let go the rope that change can be allowed to occur. Limboland is purgatory, no matter how strong, determined, or patient we are. We are only human, and the hardest thing truly is to try to let go of that which we most desire.
I feel your pain.
But dust yourself off, and keep on doing what you do best. You are an inspiration and a source of great comfort to others here, myself included.
I wish I could say something more positive to you, I really do. But I guess it is what is is right now.
Take care, thinking of you.
Grant
me: 45 w: 43 Married 19yrs Separated 6 months 2 children Bomb April2008 OM/EA May 2008. Not filed yet.
Grant, you have some very good points. I have done okay with the detaching, but I am not sure exactly what that is. I still love him very much.
He did come by and pick up the money. It is very strange, because he called, and when I answered the first thing he asked is if I was okay. I told him yes. I actually was. I think now that I have gotten past the walking on eggshells phase, things are definitely better.
He stopped, and got out of the truck, and automatically gave me a hug. I don't know about men, but when woman don't want anything more to do with their SO, they don't hug. But at any rate, I did a 180 and gave him a friendship hug, one armed, little rub on the back. He was the one who did the whole chest to chest hug thing. At any rate, gave him the envelope, asked him how he was, he said fine busy blah blah, I said okay, bye, and turned and walked away.
And I feel okay, which shocks the hell out of me. Usually I am very broken up, or hurt and missing him. Today, I feel as if nothing special happened at all. It was just another day.
Weird.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I wanted to post the following, that I received from a friend who wishes to remain anonymous, but is in a similar situation as the rest of us.
............As I move down the highway of life now, there are too few signs that lead me in the right direction. The path I have chosen to walk is infrequently used by others, and therefore I struggle to find a passerby.
I have seen the other road while I wore a younger mask, and It takes less to walk on that path. Although it is considerably less distance, it leads to a life that isn't suited for me. The destination that awaits me is one of kindness and consideration. It will be shared with whomever is awaiting me when I arrive.
The path I am on now looks like a deserted ghost drive. It is rocky terrain and the hills are steep and declines are horrid. The clouds have seldom allowed the sun to shine through them so the darkness is prevalent constantly. There are no exits along this path and my fuel light has been blinking for too many steps to count. Refueling is not an option before the path allows.
Good things CAN happen along this path, but those things are lost in the shadows until there is a break in the clouds. There are mirages along the way that allow me to hallucinate from time to time, but are those things real? Or are they imagined because of the darkness that has surrounded me.
Although I want to take the much shorter route at times, I know that my faith in the trip will allow me to reap much deeper rewards on the path that I am on. I know that God will justify my decision in walking this path in the end. Not just with the end of the path, but with my eternal spirit. That spirit will be present in the existence of my children for years to come.
I do not wish to be remembered as a martyr, only one man, who chose to do the right thing, regardless the circumstances they lie ahead.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
