Ladybug, please go and talk to a lawyer. You can call and talk to one and ask all your questions and it shouldn't cost you a dime. Additionally, even if he doesn't pay the bills, can you afford to buy the groceries and pay the utilities? If you can, then ignore the rest.
Here is the hardest truth to internalize in this whole awful process. You alone can't make it work and as hard as you try, you can't make him want to stay. Since he is planning on filing, your kids are going to experience the trauma of their world coming apart and you are right to want to limit the upheaval in their lives. Once again, you are letting him bully you around. Call the lawyer and find out what can be done.
You've said that if he files, you are finished and he has sworn to file, and your sweet loving husband is gone and this controlling lunatic is in his place. You are past the point of trying to be nice and hope that he changes his tune. You are to the place of self-protection now. He is trying to intimidate you and bully you into doing everything that he wants. STOP IT.
You need to quit focusing on him and focus on you and the kids. Call the lawyer, you don't need to move and the lawyer can damned sure make sure that you and the kids aren't left destitute and penniless because you refuse to submit to his demands.
Stop playing the game according to his rules. Stop letting him push you around. Stop it. Call a lawyer and find out your options.
