My evening was a bit strange. It was day 2 of not initiating any cell calls to H and I think he is feeling the withdrawal. He called me at the end of the afternoon to ask a couple of questions. I told him that I was going to get some groceries after I left work. He said oh, well I'm going to go out and do the work in the barn (that didn't get done the previous night because he stayed in the bar). I said ok!
I got some groceries and came home. He was in the house and complaining of being sore. I didn't baby him, but said I could bring in the groceries. He did help me. As we were unpacking stuff he dropped a bomb on me about some negative effects of the recent road work, and what he had agreed to let them do to try and repair the problems. That was it! I tried hard not to, but I began to cry. It caught him totally off guard and then he began to act like he was mad I was crying. I grabbed the broom and went out to sweep off the back deck. It's a big deck and there were lots of leaves on it. I also treated the hot tub, so I was outside a while. Pretty soon he came out with the binoculars and began to look for deer. After a minute he asked why I was crying. I told him that the changes he had agreed to, without talking to me, were going to make a material change to something on our land that I liked and really enjoyed. Further, it was a pending issue that he had known about for weeks, and done nothing about, had procastinated and then just caved when approached by the contractor. I told him that he was a drunk "F" and that though he might think my reaction was silly, it was something that I liked and had meant a lot to me. Then I let it drop.
We went inside and I began to put away the rest of the groceries and clean up the kitchen. I had recorded the college football game on Sat., so we re-watched some of the highlights from that. I could tell that he was thinking about some of the things that I had said, because he finally said "Do you really think I'm a drunk F?" I said "H, I am not going to fight with you, I've had a very rough day and I want to relax."
He woke up first thing this morning and asked the same thing. I said "Well, H, you're running with a pretty fast crowd." He said, but I'm not in the bar more than 2 nights a week, usually." I said oh H, try 3 or 4. He said, do you think (our friend) Bill has a drinking problem? I said, It breaks my heart, buy yes I do. Then I went downstairs.
That was it, but I can tell some wheels are turning. And he was not angry or defensive with me, which I think was key.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
yeah that was definitly key. the way you handled it was great Hope...seriously. you didn't get angry or defensive..you were matter of fact. and you used words that he could UNDERSTAND.
you know what i mean?
((((((((((((Hope)))))))))))))
you're doing good girl.....keep it up.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
1hope, You were awesome! I am so proud of you! I wish I could keep a level head like you and stay so even keel! That is what works, I know, but it is so hard. I am sorry that about what is going to happen to your land. It is hard when things like roads change and you have to pay for the upgrades! It is hard.
I forgot to say that as we were watching the football game and he was getting sleepy, he said in a very childlike voice "I thought you would be home earlier tonight."
Gosh, could he have missed me?
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Day 3 of no cell calls to H. This morning before we left for work he asked me for a phone number relating to the road construction. I told him that I had it written down in my office. He said, Ok, call me with it as soon as you get to work and get settled. Darn, I don't want to break my call record so soon, so I thought about what I was going to do. It was pretty simple really. I just didn't call him. But I had the number ready so that I could give it to him if he called me.
He just called, and said "I didn't hear from you." I told him (truthfully) that I had been in a meeting. I gave him the number and he told me that he was on a job site downtown today, but that it would be a bit of a walk for me if I wanted to come at lunch. I told him that I had a lunch meeting scheduled today anyway, and also meetings after that at 1 & 3. He said "wow" a day of meetings, and I said "yes, it's getting busy."
When he had first called we were playing around and when I answered the phone I said "who is this?" He responded, "who is this? Why it's your H! you dork." I don't think he has referred to himself as that for some time now, at least without adding "but not for long."
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
1hope, I love that he said your H, you dork! That is great. When H and I were visiting the friend in the hospital, another coworker had come to visit and brought his GF, when H introduced me, H didn't say this is my wife, MT, jsut this is MT. And when we were looking at the motor cycle and the salesman asked if the bike was for H or me, and asked if I was H's daughter or wife, he never said anything then either.
That was very shocking for me that even though we were married, he doesn't want to acknowledge it.
So for me I would be very excited!! It is the little things that always get me! Great job to with the no calling! That takes a bunch of resolve from you.
hey thanks for the support on my sitch. to answer you, yes thru iv, but I have refused the port til this time it prolly wont be my choice anymore. To active with my kiddos, that I was afraid the port would hinder that, trying for the sake of the younger 2 who are back and forth between me and XH, to hide the total reality of it all. also afraid with my lupus of an infection at the port site. I think that option is gonna be forced on me and not my choice anymore.
chemo days are rough, sadly no one in my life gets that, not only what it does to our bodies, but emotionally, i take it in a room where there are other people, sadly I have seen a few of them not come back, and find out from the paper they have died. thank u for reassuring me, its ok to be sick on those days, I do it early in the morn after the kids go, so I can be in a better place by the time they get here. thank you for your understanding of the poison we take to live, and the fear I have that is so hard to explain.
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
I too refused the port and took all my chemo thru IV. I did not want to worry about infection and didn't want another surgery. I was lucky that my veins were good and the nurses were very careful with me.
I continue to think of you and you are in my prayers.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
It is amazing when you see them start to think although it is a little sad too.
The alien sort of returned last night but different. H took computer monitor to be repaired and came back cranky. But with only one little snap at me and a few at S, he was ok. He was so upset looking that at dinner I asked him if he would have rather I had stayed home and he said NO. Boy was I surprised. He went to bed early and is really tired today. But was very nice this morning. Just don't know what to think so I'm trying not to.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I don't think he has referred to himself as that for some time now, at least without adding "but not for long."