Don't know what to do- Please help

[JAK58]

Limbo,

You also have to wonder why he would e-mail you with I love you's if he wants to pull the plug.
If it was a set up do you not think that he would refrain from that in hopes of not getting your hopes up so you don't leave the M.

[/quote]
Why now is something I keep asking myself, why now is she pulling this, why not when the were still in the thick of things, why wait this time and start to stir the pot?[quote]

Because she is a whack job thats why. other wise why would she have an A with a married man.

I would suggest what Root said and take it one day at a time. SLow down and don't expect to much as he is still trying to work through things.

Just my thought.

(((((((Limbo)))))))

JAK

[limbo]

I thank you all so much for the support

To be very honest right now I am really a mess, I am at work and its taking everything I have not to cry, I didn't cry all weekend, and really kept it together well, but now I am struggling.
I think maybe its just hitting me...and I am really fighting the urger to call it quits.

I know what you are all trying to tell me, but I know, I feel that there is way more to this then either is telling me, and I feel that I have been taken for a fool for all this time.
And I just don't think I can do it anymore, and can't continue to wait for the next thing..this has been 2 years now, and he can't give her up! Why?

[Sara]

Limbo,

This is typical negative thinking. When there is a crisis we get a burst of adrenaline to deal with it. So while the crisis is going on we have more strength and stamina than usual. Then when the crisis is passed, the adrenaline dissipates and we feel an emotional letdown, or a low. That's where you are now. You dealt with the crisis. I believe it is over. She did this now because her affair with him is over. He borrowed money and didn't repay it. What kind of knight in shining armor is that? Go back to Retrouvaille, not just Core. Do the weekend again. You can make your mind up about the marriage later.

[Dr LOve]

Limbo,

"This is typical negative thinking. When there is a crisis we get a burst of adrenaline to deal with it. So while the crisis is going on we have more strength and stamina than usual. Then when the crisis is passed, the adrenaline dissipates and we feel an emotional letdown, or a low" This is MY major problem also.........I know how you feel
Sara is right..

Dr LOve

[JAK58]

LIMBO,

I agree with Sara also.

BREATH.


JAK

[limbo]

Thank you all for being my lifeline, and my voice of reason! Where would I be without you all!

I will breath, and I will just take things slow for now, and look at the Retrouvaille weekend.
I think I have been hestitant around the weekend because of how emotionally draining it is, and having to explain to my Mother that we need to go back.

[runningoutoftime]

Let's just clear up one thing here... She's the amazingly stupid fool for having an affair with a married man and lending him money. I can't even imagine being that STOOPID!!!

I'm sorry, but any woman who goes out with a married man and lends him money on top of that has to be INCREDIBLY desperate. There's no way on EARTH I'd do that!!!! Can you even imagine it? It's beyond my comprehension. Any guy I'd go out with would need to be showering me with diamonds and fancy cars, I may be blond but I'm not that dumb!!! 8-o

Anyhow, off my soap box. Time to stop ranting. Time to be completely logical.... regardless of what is happening with your husband (and I don't see a reason for him lying to you to get you to leave. His words and actions aren't indicating he wants that although I suspect he's feeling really bad about this and may act a little uncomfortable because of what she's doing)... so, regardless of him... holding your family together for your children shows you are STRONG and that you put your children and your family first. Don't you DARE let her sick games throw your logic off. You need to stay on the "higher road" and ignore the trash in the gutter. Don't let her manipulate you.

If you feel upset and uncomfortable, just nicely explain to your husband that it is upsetting you and you need to cacoon for awhile. Let him know you care about him and really appreciate that he's there, but you just need a little space for yourself. It's okay.

Go to the gym. If they have one of those punching bags go kick it and pretend it's OW.

[JoieDeVivre]

Go to the gym. If they have one of those punching bags go kick it and pretend it's OW.

Oh yeah!

I know I'm guilty of the over-thinking things. I would think and try to figure things out about why my H did this or that, etc and before I knew it those little thoughts had snowballed into horrible paranoid delusions! And OMG it's so obsessing!! So the punching bag works but I also used to use Michelle's idea of putting that STOP sign up in my head.

The smoke always clears in a couple days but until then, you can't "see" a thing.

[limbo]

Thanks!

I am beginning to think alittle clearer that is true, and my H is now really trying, got Rose's last night which was nice.
He also sent a text asking me if I would marry him again...although I am not sure if we wants us to renew our vows or was just asking to see.
When I asked him last night he said he would have to see what he was thinking, which is very cryptic, and also said he would propose via a text.
I would still like to take things alittle slower then this right now, I still feel very confused and alittle raw.
Over all this time we had done things that he would say is committing to each other, we bought new wedding bands, we got matching tattoo's, but in the end none of this stopped him going back to her.
So I don't really think any big display right now is what is needed.

[JAK58]

Limbo,

Root and Joie are right.
Your H's actions are telling us that he is not trying to end your M at all.
He is still going to be confused about OW as she has just kept things going trying to get you two to split.

She is SH$t on the bottom of your shoe. She is trying everything to get you to end things with your H in hopes that he will come running to her. Being desperate she is contacting you, and by her contacting him she is making it harder for him to totally break away from her( that endorphine ya know) but, you have to give him credit for staying and trying even if he is still contacting her.(this Im'e also learning the hard way)

Iv'e been at this as long as you and my H is still trying to get his fantasy OW to be his friend. (she didn't want an R with him)

It is hard but I think we/you will get there as I can see hope for both of us. I know right now that I won't give up unless he wants out and it isn't looking that way.

There is hope. Do Retro again. You won't regret it im'e sure.


(((((((Limbo))))))))


JAK