Furiously PO'd. Got an e-mail this morning from OM! W used Outlook on S's computer at home to e-mail her OM last night. The default account was mine, I have it mirrored here at work so I can get e-mail. She apparently did or didn't realize it and sent him a message with my account. Just wondering who else she sent e-mail to using my name? Anyway, OM replied and it landed here at work in my inbox. Called W and asked if she had e-mailed OM, she said "Yes." Hung up and called ISP and told them to delete my account. Problem solved.
Talked to S and D last night. They are looking forward to Friday and seeing me. Had to talk to W and she asked about the flood at work. I told her that was three weeks ago and old news. She never cared about work, when I was at home. She said, "You seem really aloof are you OK?" I replied, "Yes, I am just fine." She then asked "You seem like you are moving on, is there someone else?" I just said "That is really of no concern." She said "Oh." "Why don't you want to talk?" she asked. I responded, "I really don't have much to say to you unless it is related to the kids or the D." I told her that I couldn't make the co-parenting class that she had scheduled for Monday and that I would rather take it by myself here because it is cheaper, than drive down there and pay $50 more. I asked "Is there anything else?" She said "You are really shutting me down." I said, "I am tired and ready to go to bed, so if there is nothing else, good night." She said "Good night," and I hung up. Went to bed and got a really good night's sleep. I still woke up at 4:20, but I was able to slumber until 6:15.
My W uses an e-mail account that is shared off of mine. So when I log into web-mail; I can see her's as well. That's why I've been able to know so much of what she's doing. Not that it helps me in a legal sense; but it keeps me grounded so that I know what I'm up against. I use it to sniff out her lies. That keeps me focused.
I know the shock of reading messages from OM; I've been reading them for so long now I'm numb.
As far as telephone conversation, good on keeping it terse. I just hope your tone was reserved. I know that's hard when you're po'd; but it's important.
Hope it gets better from here. Relax and remember we can't change them; just us!
Sorry to hear about the email thing, i had made the comment before about texing or being on the phone when she was here at my house visiting and i was here, no she goes to the bathroom often. lol I think we know our spouses are moving on, at least halfway, but hanging on a little. I know thats the hardest thing for us. i know ur having a hard day, and my thoughts are with you alot.
You are being strong, i probley would have caved and answered my phone. Just still a little weak i guess. W just texted about D game tonight what time. Then if i thought she had a good bday. The Dr called me about 6 last night, im in for C on tuesday, asked me if i would be ok till then. I must have scared her! It normally takes about 6 weeks if u get accepted, mine was a week. Dr asked me about couples, hadnt thought about it. I mentioned it to W whenshe left. She didnt say anything, should i mention it again or let it go.
We have to detach, ur doing more than i am, i think that is why it is harder on u the last few days, on top of the stuff she is pulling. Your doing good, just hang in there buddy.
Me-39 STBXW-42 together 20yrs M-17 Kids-2 D-18 S-16 Bomb-96 Bomb-2005 bomb- 3/2008 for a year Separated 5/08 Filing in July Today.... Slowly learning a new life!
Of course she's sorry. She's sorry you saw it! LOL! When I busted my W about the A with the lawyer a few weeks ago and her high school friend and her step brother; all she said was "I'm sorry that you saw those." You know what, I'm not!! Again, let's me know what I'm up against.
Tom--Our W's are crazy. My SIL sent me an e-mail this AM about her computer and asked about how I was doing. I wrote her back and told her that I just didn't get it. She said that my W will not share anything with her about it. SIL is Catholic and takes a dim view of D. SIL said her kids are struggling with it as well. My M is over, I am accepting it. I don't want to be M'd to the woman who my W has become.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
I think going dark on your wife right now is good. It would be healthier for you because you are feeling some anger towards her. Continue to act as if you are moving on (actions are doing... in other words, when you think and act it you actually do it). Also, it's okay to be a little mysterious. I'm glad to hear you didn't tell her if there was someone or not. Make sure there is a lot of things going on in your life that she knows nothing about.... In other words, if you go out with a guy friend just say you are going out with a friend. She doesn't need to know any details about your life. It sounds like this bothers her. Good!
Your life is yours now. She doesn't need to know anything about your personal life at this point and she shouldn't.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
LE - Hang in there bro. Keep an open mind and take it one day at a time. We are kind of in the same boat by gaining acceptance that the end is new. Try not to antipate, it will only lead to disapointment.
root--I went to a concert last Tuesday and just texted her. "Tell the kids I can't talk. I am going out." That bothered her. I think that led to the question of "Is there someone else?"
I have been pretty dark, not as a ploy, I just have no real reason to want to talk to her. I can't think that if we were to save our M that it would work out anyway. Really the stuff she has done in the last three weeks has really put me off her. Finding out that she is wearing this guy's ring just made me laugh. More like I wasn't surprised than shocked or hurt. I think I feel like Arthur if you've followed his thread.
Not in any hurry for D to be final, but not particularly sad to be out of M to W. I think most of my hurt revolves around missing my kids on a daily basis. My anger revolves around being replaced by this philanderer, who likely will be around my kids on a daily basis.
My W is just not a happy person and she is looking for an instant fix to her misery. Nobody can tell her that she is trading a set of familiar problems for an unfamiliar set with this hump. He has been married twice! First W cheated on him, so they D'd. He knocks up second W after a month of dating and feels obligated to marry her. She becomes physically abusive, so he D's her. Now I don't know how long he has been D'd from second W, but he can't find a legitimately single woman, he just meets my wife at a community hearing and she opens up about all of her problems and he is willing to listen. Instead of encouraging her to work on the M, he instead pursues a relationship with an unhappy woman, desperate to get out of a bad M. Yeah, they sound like the perfect couple to me! How do you think this is going to end for the two of them?
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
LE - Just catching up. This seems to me where you've hit the boundary or rather your W has. You've taken as much as you can and kept to a level of sanity and now you moving accross that line. Time to go super dark bruv and I like the last few interactions. Got her thinking.
I'm stumped by her statement re stayingwith you tho. In that there seems some doubt on her side. Is she really doing stuff now just to get you to be that DAM you were to justify her actions ? Not having survived this, I don't know what to say about that, maybe go ask Lanzo over in surviving if he heard anything like that or just for some advice.
Why am I saying that ? I don't know. perhaps it's seeing my boys now and wondering if I quit to soon. I miss them so much it hurts. I don't miss the person that was my W, but wonder if I had tried for longer if we could of rebuilt something there and our boys not had to suffer for the next 15 years or whatever.
take the old 48 hours more sir. Really think things through.
For all that, don't get me wrong, i'm still done, but just trying to give you a heads up on some of what I've gone through being a few months ahead if you like.
I miss them so much it hurts. I don't miss the person that was my W, but wonder if I had tried for longer if we could of rebuilt something there and our boys not had to suffer for the next 15 years or whatever.
I miss my kids too, but it is getting easier. As far as my W, well she would have to want to save our M as much as I do, and right now I think we are about equal in our desire.
I really hurt for my kids, and this guilt will never go away I'm sure. But I know that I am a great father and when I talk to them on the phone, they are all excited about coming to see me. D was asking if we are going to play Hide & Seek on Friday night again. I think I may take them to a movie. There are some good ones, we still haven't seen from summer at the second run house. It is a cheap night of fun for them. I usually take them to a taco stand that they really like, then follow up with ice cream and that is a treat. Should be good times. I know they don't have as much fun with W because D told her "Daddy is the fun parent now, you're just always grouchy." When I stayed last week D was laying in bed next to me and she said "Daddy, don't tell Mommy, but you are just a little more important." I said, "Oh why is that?" D responded "I see Mommy for two weeks, but I only get to see you for two days!" I said "Well Mommy loves you too, just as much as Daddy." D adds, "I know, but you are more important." Made me feel good, but she probably says the same things to W. Gotta love a kid trying to curry favor.
M42 S12/D9 T17/M12 Bomb 1 3/22/06 Bomb 2 7/11/08 Bomb 3 7/31/08 W Filed 8/1/08 D granted 12/17/08 D Finalized 1/29/09
A man who compromises his principles never had them in the first place.
