I guess it depends on a few things...I think guys do take it personally, and that's understandable, but it's how it's handled I think. Obviously if she's suffered sexual trauma, it's a very complicated sitch, and I don't know what to say about that in particular.
I feel like my H doesn't take things I say at face value. If I'm really really tired (like when the kids were very small), I AM really really tired. His take: I don't want him, I never want him, I'm never going to want him. So to counter his insecurity I do it anyway, and then I don't feel good about it.
Also..and I'm sure you guys have read this somewhere at this point, nasty comments about how "you never want sex" are counter productive! LOL. Also, my H will exaggerate. If we haven't had sex in a week, he'll say it's been a month, or the ever popular "never." Just causes the defenses to go up and it's a fight about the fight.
So, in agreement with others, communication is important. So is wearing a suit apparently!! Sometimes it's the little things too, LOL. Do what works!!
Sometimes it's the little things too, LOL. Do what works!!
