Pretty harsh words. Sorry, Max. I can see H4U's point, though.
Originally Posted By: max
Today I am quite angry with H and for no other reason other than he is an A$%^. Today i want him to hurt so bad about what he is doing that I cant think straight. I feel to hell with Dbing. Let him see what he has lost. If he rang me up today to say let start again I would refuse. Nothing has happened, it is just that I see him for what he is at the moment. Spineless man / victim. He thinks everyone is going to feel sorry for him when they learn the full truth. I think not. Most people are sick of it and how he is acting --the victim. He will loose so much and he is to dumb and stupid and selfish to see it.
I totally get what you are saying. It sounds very frustrating, and saddening. It is sad to watch, and it must be much sadder to live through that drama. I wish he were stronger. I wish he would choose marriage and reconciliation.
What about an experiment? What if you were to go through that paragraph and replace every "him" with a "her", every "he" with a "she", and put these words in his mouth? Would he have a valid perspective in saying those things about you? (most of them anyway)
Could you see that he is hurt, too, he is damaged?
Could it be that he is afraid to come back to you? He has suffered much and isn't sure what you will do if he goes back to you. Or worse, he is sure you will violate his trust again.
Quote:
Let him see what he has lost.
I think this is a good thought to have. But, Maybe he does see. Maybe it is clear to him, and yet he still cannot come back because of the hurt and pain he feels right now. Maybe he is looking at it with a clear eye and *still* is making that decision for right now - I don't want her, not with how she treated me all these years. Of course, feelings change over time. Look at how your feelings changed in a day or two. He seems to be very hurt now, and that will definitely lessen over time. Those feelings of wanting to be away could change over time. You know his feelings will change over time, but you won't know how they will change and if those changes will be good for you unless you allow the time.
I know this is hard. It's probably hard to hear. Sorry. I still think the best thing is for you to back off. Find compassion for him in your heart and back off. Get a life. And as you make yourself happy, you mst avoid blaming him for your current straits. You must guard against bitterness entering your heart. You must avoid fantasizing that he will rescue you. You will rescue yourself. you will get a life. And as you do this, you can think of him fondly and gently, not harshly. Through the separation, you can find goodwill for him in your heart and nurture it. Hint: Today i want him to hurt so bad about what he is doing that I cant think straight. is not goodwill. I empathize with your position, I see your point. but it is not goodwill that writes those words.
The way he is acting - you don't like it, but I'll bet he doesn't like his circumstances either. He doesn't like his options. He doesn't like where he is. He doesn't want to choose between a single life and a life with someone who broke his trust. He's worried and hurt, and he acts and speaks from fear and weakness.
Times like these someone has to step up and be strong. Regardless what happens.
