I was unfaithful

[Hope4us]

As for the losses the kids suffer - Losing the family home is just one part of a big tragedy. They've lost daily contact with their father. They've lost trust in the adults that were their parents. They've lost their college funds. They've lost their soccer coach. They've lost family vacations. They've lost much, and it won't stop.

In my opinion they are the only losers at the end of the day.

I mourn the loss of engagements ,weddings, Grandchildren - all occasions that should be shared by parents together. Instead our kids will have to constantly watch what they say, who they invite, where they will sit people at tables, be worried how mum and dad are going to get along, who to have xmas with and the list goes on.

The best we can do is make it easier for them whenever possible.

I know as time goes on like all things we adapt.
It is not what we signed up for but it is reality.

Today I am quite angry with H and for no other reason other than he is an A$%^. Today i want him to hurt so bad about what he is doing that I cant think straight. I feel to hell with Dbing. Let him see what he has lost. If he rang me up today to say let start again I would refuse. Nothing has happened, it is just that I see him for what he is at the moment. Spineless man / victim. He thinks everyone is going to feel sorry for him when they learn the full truth. I think not. Most people are sick of it and how he is acting --the victim. He will loose so much and he is to dumb and stupid and selfish to see it.

I might feel better in the morning. Who knows on this rollercoaster.

Max, Don't know if I've posted to you before or not but I have been following along. The things you mourn are the exact things I do. I'm not sure what's going to happen in my marriage, but those things are what make me most sad.

Your comment about being angry at your H. I don't want to be offensive, but how you're feeling is EXACTLY how I feel as a betrayed spouse. I don't condone him being an a**, but everyone deals with this stuff in their own ways. You betrayed him. And very possibly, as I know it's true in my case, he is feeling the exact same thing as you. To call him spineless and a victim I don't think shows that you "get" just what someone cheating on you does to a person.

"He will lose so much and he is so dumb and stupid and selfish to see it"? Did you think about that before your affair?

IMHO, If a spouse has an affair they give up all rights to decide what happens to the marriage. They, in effect, made the decision that the marriage was over when they chose to have an affair. If your marriage has a chance it will be because he chooses to try to forgive and accept that you're a fallible human being. If I'm understanding correctly, what you're saying here is 'I had an affair and he's stupid for not accepting it and wanting to make it work with me'. Where is the compassion for what YOUR actions have done to him?

I know that my actions had a part in my W's decision to have an affair, but I will NEVER take responsibility for her decision to choose what she did. And our marriage (and yours) will never have a chance if my W (and you) don't accept full responsibility for the affair. YOU want him to hurt so bad about what he is doing? I guarantee he is hurting more than you can imagine and to critisize him for how he is dealing with it is pretty darn foggy.

I'm sorry for the 2x4. I've learned a great deal in this thread, both from you and from others who have commented to you, but if you want your H back, give him the space he needs and IF he decides to try to make your marriage work, take what you've learned about yourself and what is important to you and use that to have the marriage you BOTH want.