About the going to bed thing...thank you for your feedback and suggestions. You are right about the colluding especially, although I hadn't thought of it that way before. I really already knew I should get back to it. I think I threw it out there for comments because I just need more motivation...and accountability! The only time I was able to do it for very long was around the time of the bomb, because I had the most powerful motivation I've ever had: I felt like that was absolutely necessary to save my M. But I stopped working at it (and it is work, every day I try to do it) after about three months because it didn't seem to make any difference. I think I need to get a different clock, because I have some hearing loss and I don't always hear the alarm...even though I tried to get the loudest one I could. My poor cats, having to endure the buzzing!
No, I don't have to go to all of H's performances. I always have in the past to show my support of him, and I think he has appreciated that, although he's never been one to say "thanks" much. As for OW showing up at the play...well, she lives 5 hours away, so if she comes for it, he will want to spend time with her, so he would undoubtedly be paying for a hotel room for the two of them again. I really don't understand how these cheaters can live with themselves.
I have seen pictures of OW, but that is all I have in the way of recognizing her. I suspect I would recognize her if I were on the lookout for her, which I would be at the shows. We were within sight of each other once, when the two of them drove by our house when I was supposed to be out of town, but she turned her head away and hid her face. Not in shame, apparently, or we wouldn't still be in this sitch. I was out front talking to the neighbors so H didn't even turn in to the driveway when he saw me, just kept on going. It was fast enough that I didn't even really see him, just recognized the car. And she has stayed at our house when I did go out of town, so she has undoubtedly seen a lot of pictures of me.
In other news, I got my hair cut and colored (foiled) yesterday, and the look is a touch more dramatic than I had in mind, but I am okay with it (although I think I'll have her tone it down next time). I was lightening my boring brown hair to blonde in college (I think I started after I met H), but after college, I never colored my hair again until I started getting it highlighted at the beginning of this year, in response to the bomb. Everyone (well, except H, of course, as he is unlikely to pay me a compliment without being tied to the stake--unless it's paired with a criticism, anyway) has told me I look good with the lighter color. Now it's a bit lighter yet, with a touch of auburn, and she put in some moderately light blond streaks. Not boring any more, at least! I only object to the fact that if you care to look, you will be able to tell that it didn't get that way naturally. But in general I like it. I don't have a lot of gray, and what I do have, I pull out. I can admit it verbally, but don't enjoy looking at it! (H doesn't have ANY gray, and he is two years older than me and everyone else in his family has some!) Now I need to find a time when my friend can teach me about makeup!
I was having one of my mildly depressive flashes today, although for the most part I felt pretty good, and I was thinking, "I don't suppose in the long run it really matters about H's affairs or what happens with my M...a hundred years from now, we'll ALL be dead." Yes, I'm just a freakin' ray of sunshine, am I not?
And on that note, I am GOING TO BED. It's 5:40 a.m. here, but that is actually progress!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
The only time I was able to do it for very long was around the time of the bomb, because I had the most powerful motivation I've ever had: I felt like that was absolutely necessary to save my M. But I stopped working at it (and it is work, every day I try to do it) after about three months because it didn't seem to make any difference. I think I need to get a different clock, because I have some hearing loss and I don't always hear the alarm...even though I tried to get the loudest one I could. My poor cats, having to endure the buzzing! 
I really don't understand how these cheaters can live with themselves.
