I love my wife dearly. We have been married 17 years. I am just now realizing that I guess our sex drives have been very different from the start or at least that is what she is telling me. I purchased the SSM book in hopes of improving our relationship. We have talked more openly about our feelings in this area of our relationship and others. But some of this has been very hurtful.
I think she has been trying to understand my desires but last night was difficult. I had read in a magazine about a challenge in the same article that I heard about this book. The challenge was to make love for seven days straight. Well this week I thought willingly she agreed. Monday night was incredible. Then as we talked Tuesday things seemed to slide down hill for me. She told me that our lovemaking was predictable. Now this would not be hard to overcome except she is in control of this part of our relationship. I think I would try anything she wanted accept having another person in our relationship but I don't think she wants this either because of her conservative nature. I asked her to think on how we could make things less predictable. Well her comment ate on me all day. I personally find it hurtful that she does not want me. I understand what the book says but come on I am a MAN or at least I thought I was. I workout to keep in good shape. I give her flowers, poetry, help with the housework, help with the kids (all of this she agrees with). Last night when we went to bed we talked some and she did tell me a couple of things she "might" want to try. I was thinking ok things are heading in the right direction. Then she said I don't want to make you mad but I don't really want to make love tonight. I just cannot understand why if we are offered a chance to win a trip for making love seven days in a row then posting our comments to questions how this could possibly be negative. We are being given an opportunity to be paid almost for one of the most exciting things in my opinion. Even under these circumstances it was not worth it to her.
As far as I can tell she is not interested in other men. She agrees that I am romantic and that I am making a strong effort to help with things she wants help with. Yet she does not understand how it makes me feel for her not to want me. I mean really want me.
I am a christian so divorce is not even a consideration. However, I don't know what else to do to help our marriage be what I want it to be. Maybe my expectations are too high. However, I have never been one to be in a situation where things were not right and I was not willing to do something to fix them. Yet it seems I have opened pandoras box and the more I try the more I end up hurting myself and frustrating her. I am rambling so I am going to stop this post now. But I am hurt to the core and I told her that last night. Why can't I rekindle or maybe just establish a truly passionate relationship with the woman I love?
