Latest - stayed at W and S's home last night while W went out overnight...I find that so very hard as I know fine well where she's staying - with OM - hopefully things will get better when I can have S6 come and stay with me. He seems to be holding up pretty well but things are on his mind as he's chewing his collars - something he did when he was smaller when he was anxious. He's also upped his "I love you's" so he's looking for lots of reassurances right now. W and I are giving all of that.
Then to top if all S6 was playing on W's laptop a bit and asked me to help him look up something - and there in black and white in the search history was "divorce advice".
Which threw me into a loop. Was doing well till that point and as I haven't snooped for months - primarily cos of the cr@ppy way it made me feel, felt caught way off guard.
So there it is - just don't know what to do - I love my wife - so much - yet this train seems set on a single track and there's nothing I can do, nothing I can put in its way, no warning signs I can draw the driver's attention to, that will change it. Perhaps that, in itself, is how it must be.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda feeling today - and a very important finance meeting to go to shortly - last thing in the world I feel like I can deal with.
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
