Another one bites the dust (2)

[No Longer BH]

Hey all. Stopping back in to talk about my feelings about tonight (oh I am such a girl wanting to talk about those icky feelings). First, Karen, I loned my book out but will tell you the authors name in a couple of days. Ready, thanks for checking in on me.

Once again tonight was my STBXH night with son. I dressed up in some finery and left as soon as he got here. Took myself out on another fabulous date. I am getting this dinner and movie thing down pretty well. When I got back STBXH wanted to talk to me. First he apologised to me for not being there for my doc appointment. He said he had no idea that I had told him the time and date. That he had no recollection of that part of the conversation. He then started to talk to me about how he hoped I was moving on. That he felt that was the only healthy thing for me to do. He then informed me that he took himself off of his AD's without telling his doctor. He wanted me to know he is feeling very happy in his life. He is staying part time at his OW house so that he does not feel like he is taking advange of anyone. Personally, this is prob a good thing since it make them start to live a real life instead of fantasy life.

We talked about money and our son and how he wanted to move forward with our D. I was upbeat, supportive and acted like him living with OW was of no concern to me. We talked about some of the things that happend over the summer that made him so angry with me. Again, I just affirmed that those were his feelings, did not argue. What is the point. We even talked about how my illness occured right at the time things started to go south for us. Part of me hopes he can make the connection that grouchy me was due to me being sick. He has even said over and over again that he can see so many positive changes.

As he left, all I kept thinking was "D@mn I hate him! How can he do this!!!" But then I collected myself and thought it is what it is. I can only control me and not him. I do truly think that one day he is going to look back at this time and think "What did I do" but I cant put my life on hold until then. God, this journey is so hard but I can at least see that little by little I am letting him go. As he was sitting across from me for awhile, I did not even look at him like he was my H, just someone that I had know for awhile. Felt good to be so detached.