My Crazy mess, these are the days of my life!

[christarn]

VS~ please don't worry about distracting me....I just mean, my mind is a little "crazy"...but then again, when isn't it???!!!

so, H called tonight....he's rethinking the MC....should have known that was coming...to good to be true. We exchanged words, things got a little heated. He asked what would happen if he chose not to go to MC, I said we would turn things back over to the atty's to handle. I felt as if our mtg. on Sat. was a negotiation....we both walked away with something we wanted, now everything is changing. The longer he has to contemplate, the more twisted things become. He even asked me to choose between my dogs and him, and which i loved more....I am not happy. He said what would you do if i sat D papers in front of you and the dogs, and made you choose....who asks questions like that....or am I out of my mind....I really do have enough love to share. And said, I agree to put the dogs outside and build a kennel...as they are currently inside dogs. He said, I have my answers, you don't love me as much as you claim to. WTF??!!! Are you serious. He said he wasn't going to waste another year of his life in MC just to find out that he doesn't want to work on the M....again WTF???? I tried, I really tried to listen and empathize and validate, and several subjects he threw at me I did just that...such as my family (disliking him, and children) but some of the things he was jabbing me with...WOW!!!! I am just still in a little shock. I feel like he is just really not wanting to put any effort what so ever in MC, so is it really worth going? We are suppose to have our first session on Thurs. and I am petrified....I really wonder, even though he says he will, is he going to show up? I guess if he doesn't I will have the answers to my questions.

So my plan, is to go...see what he will say in front of a MC, see what her feedback is...he did pick her, see if he will return, or if this is a one time thing....again I will have my answer....he's in this just to avoid paying me...

I hate having my mind toyed with..........just when I got the hard wiring re-booted....dangit!

any suggestions?????????????

(((((thanks & luv))))))))