Hi MWG, I am sorry about your son still not acting the way he should. You really have your hands full dealing with TWO misbehaving men! I hope for you that this sitch will change for the better soon. At least your H seems to get a bit more affectionate towards you which helps a bit.
I am happy for you that you like your job. Just take care of yourself. You need to sleep well and I hope your S will understand that as well.
WRT to gel pads for your shoes. I use them when I go dancing. I've found from experience that they are more effective if you wait until your feet begin to ache before putting them in your shoes. That way they do actually relieve the pressure. Thought you might like the tip
WRT to your Hs BP. At his age, with his drinking patterns and his high stress levels he is already at high risk of heart disease (and stroke like Naej said). It's vital for you to get him to see the Dr to maintain his health. Once high BP becomes the norm it is highly unlikely it will ever be normal again w/o meds (and usually lots of them). From what you said about your MIL and her having to take a lot of pills it sounds to me like your H has developed some sort of phobia. This might be v. difficult to overcome BUT it is a necessity for him to at least try.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
My feet are killing me so bad--still!! And I am so stressed right now.
what do i do?????????
that friend who moved out--he was here lastnight, i told him to leave, he is here again tonight and tried to hide and i told him to leave and he wants to spend the darned night. i said no, my son said for me to chill, the friend said what is the matter don't you like me............
i am stressed, my feet are still killing me even after putting those gel pads in and my son is texting me saying he is an adult and will do what he wants and nobody is hurting me.......and nobody is doing their chores.............
i cannot take much more of this. sure nobody is bothering me but when i come home to chores not being done, a kid whom i have a problem with (the friend) and a son whom i get along with when nobody else is here................i am going to go bonkers!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MWG, Sorry to hear that you are having a bad time still. I don't have any advice about the sore feet or the kids not doing chores or treating you with respect; hopefully you can find something that will help in all cases.
Your S is saying he is an adult? Okay, this is NOT parenting advice, it is just me expressing my feelings, and not saying YOU should do this...I think if I were in your sitch with S, I'd very quickly get fed up enough to say, "Okay, you want to have the privileges of adulthood, make your own decisions, do as you please? Fine, but you have to accept the responsibilities. That means you pay out of your own pocket for your housing, your transportation, your health/home/auto insurance, your groceries, your utilities, your lawn mower, your education...you figure out how to do your own taxes, your own home maintenance, cover your own retirement and savings plans, look after your own health...you can't separate rights from responsibilities; it's a package deal."
Okay, rant over. Jeesh, between your H and your kids and their friends, it's a contest to see who can yank your chain the hardest...! I am sure you will figure out a solution sooner or later! In the meantime, I'm thinking of you and hoping things improve!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I am sooo tired today as I got about two hours of sleep, again.
I am very adamant about my rule of not having people over past 9PM.
This kid, I cannot even explain it but it is like when he is around, my son turns into the ultimate monster. When this kid is not around, my son is very pleasant to be around, takes me out, etc.
S pays for his cellphone, auto insurance, gas in the car.
I have to get ready for work soon. Not sure how I am going to function and hope I do not pass out.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm so sorry your S and his friend are disrespecting you as usual. I don't even want to say it because I know you will justify the actions of those around you but I'm going to say it anyway out of love and concern for you.
Your son and his friends do not show you respect because they see you being disrespected daily by your H and being walked all over. I'm sorry, it's the truth.
Have you heard of tough love? I'm thinking you may need to employ some of that with H and S.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Sorry MWG you are still struggling with this kid. Stand your ground and let him know he is NOT welcome in your home any longer period.
I know that will be hard, but it's the only way this kid will know you are serious. I am sure he is bad news anyway you look at it.
Sorry your feet are hurting so much. You might have to invest in an expensive pair of shoes that could help with support. Try doing some research online for shoes specifically for restaurant work.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Yes, my feet are so sore. A friend gave me some shoe ideas because her brother is on his feet all day, too. I will check that out for sure.
I let H know what was going on late at night, etc. He called S18 and they spoke for some 72 minutes. H texted to let me know he spoke to S18.
When I got home from work, S18 was fine and we talked and joked around but nothing said about the last few nights or that H spoke to him.
I left h a few voice mails about what was going on, how the friend seems to bring out the worst in me and S, and that I had prayed about it but it seems like this kid is such a negative force around here. I also told H that I have had to put up with a alot of stuff and that either this gets resolved or I move out of the house.
I let him know nicely, that all I want is for S to obey a simple rule--nobody in the house after a certain time period.
I do like the people I work with. It is an older age group I work with during the day which is nice. I have off tomorrow and Thursday but work Friday. Not sure about the weekend. Since I am part-time, there is a need to fill the slots for those working full time. Honestly, I think I would collapse right now if I had to work full time. There is no time to sit and take a break, that is how busy it is. My breaks consist of getting a cup of whatever I want to drink, go in the back, drink it, come back in a few minutes to begin again. It is a very active four hours.
That is all my news.
Now if i can get my kids to do chores. It is pretty pathetic that when I come home, and after posting a chore chart, those chores do not get done.
I am not going to do their chores for them. If things do not get done, oh well. I am tired of busting my buns as they are old enough to do things.
There are dishes on the counters that have been sitting there for two days because they have not unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. Pretty pathetic to say the least.
Just wait until H comes over, he can have at the kids.
I will give S credit for doing his chores though.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I understand about sore feet because I get them too from standing when I used to stand for my job. I used to wear Hanes Alive support pantyhose. They helped some but not completely.
Glad to hear that your H is bing supportive regarding your S and his friend.
I like your strategy of not doing the kids' chores for them. They are probably hoping you would do them. They have to learn. I know when I was a teenager, I didn't like doing chores either, but I did do whatever I had to do.
