I will chime in here on the "booty call" bit. I personally know of one DBer who continued the booty call such as yourself and today is back with her H. While the people here are truely trying to help, there are just too many variables for a one size fits all approach. You know your H best, what you have to do is be able to absorb all that is going on while you are remaining physical with your H.
Don't let the physical state dictate your emotional state. Keep things in perspective. Don't get blinded it.
I do agree you have to set some type of boundaries. Also, be aware of patterns. If your H initiates rendezvous with you, why not try to initiate on your own and see what happens. Monitor things. If you get a reaction, neg or pos. note it.
Michelle has a short article about this exact subject. I'll see if I can find it.
Review the LRT in DB. This is your best approach after the exchange you had with your H. Communicate ONLY about the kids. If he tries to drag you into a convo, ignore it. Be factual and try to only use e-mail. (You can hide your emotions)If he calls let it go to voice mail.
You planted a seed with OW and I can not see how she wouldn't be thinking about the things you said. Let it fester in her mind. It will get to her and then her trust in your H will be lost.
Come here when you need support, call a friend. DO NOT talk to H for 1 week! See what happens.
From what I have been hearing on this board, affairs like this are short lived. So, don't presume he will be with her forever.
That being said, you have to decide how long you are interested in standing for your marriage.
Since this whole WAS thing has happened to me, I have a new perspective on why relationships fail. I used to think there were just a lot of guys who were jerks, or women who were romance addicts and that is why they left.
Now I think that it is more likely that most of the time one person simply became so unhappy in the R that they had to escape.
There is almost always two sides to each story.
Have you figured out if any of your behaviour contributed to the breakdown of this R ?
Maybe your H is just a jerk, but I do think that you have taken on too much responsiblity in the R and you became the housemaid and forgot to be the seductress.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
GOOD FOR YOU in standing up for yourself. Make sure you let him know, when he says "we're THRU!!!", that you didn't want him back the way he was anyway.
He's no longer calling the shots. I got lunch next time you're in Florida that he begs you back inside of three months if you do this right. Seriously.
Steve- I do not plan on talking to him at all..we do have soccer exchange on saturday and kids...I will see if I can arrange where we dont see each other..Not sure if that will work. I do hope she feels like a fool.... how dare her ask me if I have any self respect...to walk away. I wasnt leaving while he was saying I love you...( my heart will always love him..just not what he has done.) I hope this ruins her trust..I know when we were together I did wonder who, what , when ,why and where.... Im sure she is racking her brain thinking of when he wasnt by her side..how he could have been texting and flirting with me...lol
Native- I definately know my marriage that was..is now long gone. I cant even think clearly on "if " he ever came back because I just dont see him being willing to ask for forgiveness. You are 100% dead on with me taking on too much and being the housemaid and not the seductress...
I did find that woman..in the early part of our separation before I found out about her. For that I am thankful, that all the changes were for me and him without any influences of another woman.
Puppy- I do feel a bit of closure tonight. That if this is truely it...I was able to be the one to make the decision. I knew exactly how he would react..but told her anyway. I was not going to let him tell me if I told her he definately would be done... he wasnt with me..what was I losing anyway...
True detachment comes when you do the right thing, rather than sit there and agonize and factor in "Will he be mad if I do this? How will that make ME feel, if he's mad at me?"
