Is there room for more compassion for the unfaithful one?
Why the "F" are you still calling her? doesn't sound like a very compassionate approach.
I get where you are coming from, but it isn't attractive. Can you empathize with him more? You've read the books on affairs being like addiction? Can you talk to him about that? About how hard it is to break it off. About how people describe it like an addiction - they know it isn't a good thing but somehow, they cannot stop? And then they start thinking, maybe it's not such a bad thing. then they rationalize and start blaming other people. Maybe if you took a joint problem-solving approach instead of a "why the F* are you calling her?!!!" approach, it would allow him to open up a little more.
SPM - It simply feels good . To break contact or give up the dream of being with this OM/OW is as hard and as painful as what you are going through.
Trouble is you dont have to go through it, that other person is probably waiting. Being torn between family and lust is tough but even tougher to give up the person who is presently giving you everything you THINK you need.
A little empathy might be required. Not acceptance but your spouse needs a soft place to land if you are asking them to give it all up.
And what about empathy for Sue, the LBS? If you know anything about Sue or her sitch, you'd realize the "Why the F are you still calling her" is not her usual approach. (And she admitted that after a night out, it was a mistake to bring up the phone call.)
The hurt, pain, and despair that a LBS goes through is horrendous. We GAL and act 'as if' but we're only human after all. So she lost her temper. After all she's been through with her H, I don't blame her. Sometimes it's simply a matter of how much crap you want to take.
They say compassion is a 2-way street, and I say empathy is as well.
I hear you ... I know she knows it was not good to bring up. I've done the same thing in my sitch. Sometimes you just have to boil over or you'll explode!
