W was packing her things here at the house tonight to move into her own space a few blocks away, within walking distance.

We did talk for a while and got more insight into her reasons for leaving. Seems she thinks I changed from the person I was before marriage (more objective and considerate) to post marriage ( more subjective and reactive).

I have a feeling that is true about us and about most marraiges. Being in a R changes you, and you are invested in ways you weren't as a friend. You are more vulnerable and your feelings are more easily hurt, misunderstandings more common.

Does anyone agree ? Disagree ?


Sometimes she is adamant about no R, and then she seems to waver after we get past the hard shell and the fear.

I was even flirty and seductive, eventually hugging and kissing her neck, she was giggling and smiling and I think I got through the defensive walls for a few moments.

If I can do that again and keep letting her imagine how good it would be, who knows? I can't say how good it was, because we always had problems with sex, partly my inexperience and partly her rapes.

It's not that I don't know how, its I haven't known how to set the stage for someone who has had such severe sexual trauma in her past. I haven't been romantic enough, patient enough, and in general careful enough with her feelings and needs.

Tonight may not be enough to turn this around, but it was a little bit of a step in the right direction.

Last edited by native; 10/15/08 02:54 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6,
Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7
Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09