Mrs. H, I know you are hurting right now and I hate that for you. I know how you feel. Almost all of us have been there in one way or the other. As I posted last night, I DID have it put in our custody papers that there was not to be any overnight visitors of the opposite sex unless they were married. I was told that by both of my lawyers, so I'm pretty sure it is standard policy...at least if you request it. Divorced or separated, it was the same.
It is difficult getting used to having someone else around our children, especially when it is the OW (or OM). I have said many times that I could have handled my exH being w/ another woman, but the OW was a different story. The hardest part of it for me now is that my exH is living in a nice 2-story house in a housing development that sits on a golf course....while the kids and I live in a house that needs LOTS of repairs (many because of my exH not completing jobs that he started). I made a comment to this fact a couple of weeks ago and my D was quick to let me know that they don't live w/ their dad. What an angel! When it really bothers me, I just remind myself that they are living in HER house, from her previous marriage, not one they bought together. And, again, it is not the fact that they are together that bothers me, now...just that he is living in a house so much nicer than ours.
As for the OW and my kids, they really don't have much of a relationship. In fact, they barely speak to one another...they pretty much just exchange pleasantries.
Mrs. H, there are boundaries that need to be set and enforced. Your H needs to know that they WILL be enforced. The rest comes w/ time.
Please know that I wish you nothing but the best. And that we are all here for you!
SIL also overheard them talking about the school districts too.
nooooooo......i bet JA is thinking he will get the boys.....of course he cant....but that looney tune thinks the world is his on a platter for the taking....a manure shovel maybe....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
My heart goes out to you and your boys. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I don't think JA thinks he is going to get custody. If he really wanted custody he would of tried to fight it in court and he didn't.
I think they must be talking about having kids even though JA has said he never wanted more kids. Hey, he is in a MLC, right? So who knows?
Speaking of JA, he came on Wednesday to get the boys. He told me that S4 seems upset that the house is up for sale and told me not to mention the sale sign on the front lawn anymore. (huh?) And also that I didn't need to tell him what it was for.
I said to him "He asked me what it was, I told him. Do you expect me to keep it from him? Just one day I start packing and he asks what's up and I tell him then that we are moving out? I am not going to sugar coat and lie to him just to make you look better. He needs to know the truth."
JA: Fine then, but you can at least sound excited about the move to them.
I just ended the conversation there. He's an idiot.
Then later on while he was dropping the boys home I mentioned to him that the person who was supposed to come see the house never came. I told him that I found that annoying especially since I had to get myself and the dog out of the house for an hour so they could come.
He said "Well no one told you to get a dog". He said it very sarcastic.
So I shot back at him "well no one told you to get a divorce".
He starts yelling back that he had to get a divorce because....blah, blah, blah....
I didn't really hear him as I walked back in the house.
I don't even care that I shot that comment back. I am tired of keeping my mouth shut all the time.
He also called twice within an hour today to talk to the boys. Both times they didn't want to talk. He just called again a little while ago to speak to them but I didn't answer the phone.
He wanted to talk so much to them he shouldn't of left.
Oh, I forgot...S4 told me that he hates going to his father's house because he thinks it is very boring there. He said "there is nothing to do and all Dad likes to do is cook and eat, cook and eat, cook and eat. I don't like to eat".
He also mentioned that he hates going with his father (on Wednesdays) because he doesn't have fun.
I was surprised to hear S4 say all this. I was under the impression that they have "too much fun".
Oh, and did I mention that I spoke with my L? He said there is nothing we can do about keeping the ow from spending the night but that he is going to tell JA's lawyer to inform his client that there should be no sharing a bed with the ow and the kids.
Some help he was. I think he just wants to be done with my case and doesn't care. He isn't the one who has to live with it.
He told me that the case is closed and the judge isn't going to care. This should of been requested while we were still in progress. Dumb ass, why didn't he tell me that before?
He said that if I find out that S4 shares a bed with them again I could go to family court and I might be able to get supervised visitation.
Got your message...... Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, but it has been nuts at my house. 5 birthdays in one week!! Lets try and connect over the weekend. (((((((((hugs)))))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Hey, no problem. I can probably talk Sunday, tomorrow isn't good for me. I have school in the morning and then my nephew's bday party in the afternoon.
And Wow! 5 of your kids are born in the same week? That's insane!
Mrs. H, I'm sorry that JA is still up to his old tricks of baiting you. He's curious to know what you are feeding your boys... most likely to see just what they like to eat and if you are feeding them properly. He's at a loss for words when it comes to talking to you. He's just nuts.
As for the lawyer, there is only so much that they can do about the situation. You've put him on notice about the sharing of the bed, etc. Now, you'll need to listen to what your sons say and document.
I wondered just how long it would be before the boys began to open up and tell you that it's not fun over at JA's. How could it be? Cramped up in a small place and his father cooking, eating and paying attention to the ow. I'm sure they are happy to return home and have their toys.
As for them purchasing a home together...we shall see about that. The housing market isn't so great right now and the prices are still too high for most.
For now, focus on what you need to do to get yourself through each day.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
