Hey, Karen, I hope you and your kids get to feeling better. There's certainly something gong around.
I hate to say it but if you don't respect yourself, you can bet your H won't. But I understand the need and the desire to keep peace -- it's in your nature after all and something highly commendable. But your H takes advantage of that and that is how he abuses your good will. Meekness is a Godly virtue, but it does not mean becoming someone's doormat, not at all.
There is a balance, and I truly believe you are wise enough to find it. I agree with others who are asking you to consider your own interests before your H's, for your children's sake as well as your own. There is certainly no need to provoke or antagonize him unnecessarily, but I also think you need not concern yourself if he happens to take offense at your defending yourself and your interests -- by him getting upset it is his problem, not yours.
And any time you feel the need to try to soothe the ruffled feathers of your irritable H, even at the risk of your own interests, and if you ever feel your resolve wavering in the face of H's intimidation, I would suggest you think to yourself how you would feel and how you would react if your H, or anyone else on the planet, were to ever treat either of your children in such a fashion. I know you would find that steel in your backbone were you to also consider that any offense against yourself and your interests were also an attack on your two young ones. Motherly defense of your cubs will go a long way to helping you find your resolve (I'd dare-say you might even want to roundhouse the cur if you just so much as seriously consider how he continues to threaten your children's long-term security.) Get that fire in you belly... then temper it with that natural Christian patience and compassion of yours, so endearing to us all, and you will then find your balance to proceed with what you know needs to be done.
