Diane...I will give you my two cents about your Q to Bagheera and I hope he also answers your Q but...
The way you avoid him thinking he can hop into bed with you and "make nice"...without telling him you dont want sex with him...is to be honest, something like this:
"I do not want a quick fix, and I also do not just want sex. I want a long term solution for our problem, and nothing less than that will suffice. At this time it has been so long since we've had sex that I have finally stopped wanting just "sex". What I want is to repair our connection with each other first, and then go from there. I expect this will take counseling and time and effort, and it will not be fixed by just having sex".
