I decided to start a new thread because I really want some input here. My husband is back in 4 days, and although we also have a lot of family coming, I do want to do something while hes home. Need a starting point at least. ( Hope this is OK )
( Ive been reading the books btw )
I have to say, these books and this forum have really gotten me messed up lately. I'm not sure if I'm totally missing the point, or if I am for the first time " getting " it! Which scares the living day lights out of me. I think I have perhaps realized it's either this, or I need to move on. Which means I have a decision to make. This is what I have come up with so far....
1)Here, and in the books, it seems there is a common theme per say. Which is in order to " start " on the right path, or phases, which ever way you want to put it: you need to show your spouse true change of sorts. Meaning stop all the things you were doing that were unintentionally halting any real kind of healing. I did that, for sure. NOT 5 years ago, but I can truly say for 3 years now I have been that spouse. I have had my set backs, and I can count them on one hand. But who doesn't have a bad day. ( especially after a year of NOTHING!Or 2 ) Those were always followed by a calm conversation where I would explain where it came from, and why, and the fact it was wrong on my part. But here's the thing pertaining this : STILL NOTHING! If you were to walk up to my husband right now, and ask him, : Hows your marriage? " I can 100% say, he would think its GREAT! WE do not fight, we get along great, he kisses and holds hands, and cuddles. He loves to touch and just loves me, I can tell. BUT, I'm not asking for sex, so life is good in his eyes.
2) Getting him on board: Just don't see it happening. And I think in reading these books, I'm tired......... ( I'll explain that.) I'm just fed up, and I'm not sure I'm OK with all this work that was done ( with nothing in return ), and now maybe needs to start again. Seems selfish, I know. I feel selfish, I really do. Can that be OK? I'm really thinking at this point,I want to take my husband for a walk, and just talk turkey with him. Tell him how I have been feeling and what I have found and read. That the ball is in his court now. I feel done, and I haven't even truly started.
3) In my situation, I think I'm doubly hindered because of the time we have together. Which poses a big problem. Out of sight, out of mind will kill it for sure. Especially for him. As most know, my H works away, and is home 8 days at a time, so this will be hard. But I'm wondering if you have any ideas to maybe adjust the phases for someone like me. Who has to either cram it in 8 days, or do something long distance.
I was reading cinco's thread, and felt EXACTLY as he said in one of his latest posts. Where he seemed fed up as I have been. Which seems wrong to me. Why do we fight so hard for something it seems our spouses don't want.
Then there's the issue where I'm not sure I can get over the hurt. I'm not really sure it's too late, and I want SEX, but I don't think I want it from him......... Eeekk I use to look at him, and had stars in my eyes, I'd get excited just seeing him in a specific shirt. Now I think; " omg, not sure I ever can again." I'm wondering if it's not too late. That all these years have passed, and I'm just over it, over him.( maybe )
I'm not sure what I'm even asking here. I think I already know the answer. It just may be get over myself, or leave!
