You hung in there and gave it your best shot!! Now sit back and pull back a little. She wants you as a friend and a co-parent on good terms. Start dating and become less available and she how she handles it.
But the more time she spends with you and the girls the less time see spends with the OM. She knows that you will never accept the OM in the girls life or yours. I personally would not be friendly with my wife if she were still with the OM that helped destroy my marriage. And definately wouldn't want him around my kids. If she dropped him and still wanted to be divorced then it would be easier to accept another man later after I had accepted and moved on.
She needs to know that this OM eventually has to go. It doesn't soound like, based on your posts, that she is the type that is madly in love and found her soulmate etc etc. So dropping him shouldn't be a problem. I am more devious and strategic (Retired Military) so I would find all the ways to continue to make it uncomfortable for the OM to continue this relationship!! Though I have to admit he has hung in there more than most would if all he wanted was a booty call. So he could require more extreme measures to discourage him....exposure to his family, co-workers...find out the days/times he can see your wife and accidentally be there of have the girls there etc.
The OM HAS seemed to hang in there, which is all the more reason h4h should NOT go out dating other people right now. Not to mention that he is still MARRIED. I did this, and I know now how wrong it was. Pull back, yes. Drop the rope if need be. But, unless YOU are divorcing HER, h4h, and you are ok with that, then you should not be taking the next step in any kind of relationship with any other woman. This is what everyone knows, but something we all seem to forget and try to make excuses for it (which is what I did).
You hung in there and gave it your best shot!! Now sit back and pull back a little. She wants you as a friend and a co-parent on good terms. Start dating and become less available and she how she handles it.
But the more time she spends with you and the girls the less time see spends with the OM. She knows that you will never accept the OM in the girls life or yours. I personally would not be friendly with my wife if she were still with the OM that helped destroy my marriage. And definately wouldn't want him around my kids. If she dropped him and still wanted to be divorced then it would be easier to accept another man later after I had accepted and moved on.
She needs to know that this OM eventually has to go. It doesn't soound like, based on your posts, that she is the type that is madly in love and found her soulmate etc etc. So dropping him shouldn't be a problem. I am more devious and strategic (Retired Military) so I would find all the ways to continue to make it uncomfortable for the OM to continue this relationship!! Though I have to admit he has hung in there more than most would if all he wanted was a booty call. So he could require more extreme measures to discourage him....exposure to his family, co-workers...find out the days/times he can see your wife and accidentally be there of have the girls there etc.
Good Luck!!!
Flynn
Now you see my sitch in a nutshell. It is all these things in one. Many facets. Having to pick the lesser of two evils, as far as tactics. I've been trying to mesh both together. I was posting how I was trying to work myself into her time, somehow. Being around more often. F'ing hard to do that and be dark at the same time.
More like guerilla warfare. Attack from different angles for a while, then pull back and regroup. Back and forth.
Was going to do a pull back for now. Then I'll jump back in here and there. I sent her an email a little bit ago. We found out at the party on Sunday that the sitter for D7 after school is giving us a week to find something else. May have something to do with the fact that the wife forgot to invite them to the party. She lives upstairs. How stupid is that?
I sent,
"Just wanted to say thanks for taking the puppy's back and for the dog food. I'll stop by on my way back from Austin today and leave off the money I owe you. I had to wash all the stupid halloween stuff last night. Two years in a row in the rain? What a coincidence. The one night they leave it out.
What can we do about Juli? I'm trying to brainstorm. What time does Amanda get to the apartment? Like around 4:15?I was thinking maybe I can figure out if I can pick her up from school by 3 and then take her to the apartment myself or something, but I don't think that will work. Last resort is the Y. They currently have 5 openings, still.
I can't believe how unreliable people can be. Didn't she make a commitment? She could of at least given us two weeks notice, minimum.
On a side note, great job on the party, as usual. You can tell you worked hard on it."
After today, no more contact for a bit. I was planning on getting her that Victoria Osteen book that just came out. Just leave it with the money, before she gets to the apartment. Pull back until Haloween.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
