Check Out My Swing!-Life in the Rough

[1hope]

Thanks Neil. You always make me smile. (((((Neil))))

I'll stop by and check on you when I can.

[1hope]

Ok guys. What do you think about this?

I am going to do a 180 on communication with H. I will be nice and pleasant to him at home, if he initiates nice and pleasant with me. I won't mope or have a sad face even if he is being Alien. But I will only communicate on cell phone with him if he calls me. I will not initiate any cell calls. No more quick calls to see how his day has gone etc., or what/if he would like me to start for dinner.

I am going to stop reaching out in any way and let him do all the initiating.

I wonder how long it will take for him to notice?

[MT35]

Sounds like a good 180 to me. I haven't called my H in a long time. For me that was hard, we talked at least once a day. H would call just to say Hi or I would call him. That is one of the first 180's I did. I don't initiate any calls to him.

[1hope]

We used to talk once or twice a day. Either of us would initiate.

I think I will stop. When he called today and was the happy H I was glad to get the call, but something just "clicked."

I didn't deserve the rash of $h!t that he gave me on Saturday night or Sunday and I am tired of being treated like this.

[1hope]

I came home from work and let the dog out. H was not home by 6 so I decided to go and pick up some RX at the drugstore. Wouldn't ya know I met him at the end of our driveway. I told him where I was going, and he said can't you go do that tomorrow after work? I said it's hard for me to get there with the traffic when I leave the office, I won't be long. Do you need me? He said no. I said I'll be right back. I smiled and drove away.

I kept telling myself not to give in and turn around, and then he called me on my cell. Told me that he had his check and would I want to deposit it in the ATM tonight? I said I wasn't too far away so I would turn around.

I came back to the house and he gave me his paycheck. He then took the b'day check that my parents gave him and said, well I'm going to meet Bill at the pub and have a couple of b'day beers. (WTF?) Their b'days are w/i days of each other and they are the same age. I was surprised, but said ok. He went right back out to the driveway with me. He said I have to come home and do some work in the barn, and you can watch me. I said ok. ????

So, I left ahead of him. When I went past the bar I saw that Bill was not there, which is weird, since Bill gets out of work much sooner than H and is usually there first.

I went and deposited the check and picked up the RX's. When I came home Bill was still not at the bar, but H's truck was. Then guess what? Bill's wife called me at about 7:45 to confirm a meeting that we are attending together Thurs. night. Bill was someplace else entirely. Big surprise. Whatever!

I'm watching Monday night football and enjoying my glass of wine. I will go to bed at 10 and I think I will see if I can meet friends for a drink tomorrow after work.

I am not going to call him. I usually would. This is another level of detachmet.

How sad. It is such a waste.

[kelaaron]

1hope-

I have read your entire sitch. OMG. I don't even know what to say other than you give me a lot of encouragement. The ups and downs suck. When I first started posting, I really didn't think this is what is was but the more I read other stories, I know this is where I am. I could be writing alot of what you others have written. I am happy that I am able to now to know it isn't all that I have been horrible, which is what I believed at first. I know my part in it, but I see more and more everyday. I too have actually seen the "alien" come and go right before my very eyes. I am learning from you and others that it is what it is. Thank you for all of your sharing.

[1hope]

kelaaron, Thank you. You brought tears to my eyes. I know that this forum helps me to vent, but being able to help someone else is a plus.

I went to bed last night at 10. H came home about 30 minutes later. He did not come up to bed, but slept on the couch. When the alarm went off I got up, got my coffee and went out to the hot tub. He did not join me, but was in the shower when I came inside. I went upsairs to the second floor bathroom, and H came up a bit later. I said "did you and Bill have fun last night?" He said, "he wasn't there." "He must have left before I got there, because he was there earlier." "The other guys were all there." Then he asked "did you have fun?" I said "All I did was deposit your check and pick up the RX's, I was back home right after that and was here for the night." He said "he was there when I got out of work, but must not have had enough money to stay long. I came home to use the bathroom, and also to see what you were doing(he added quickly),when you said you had something to do I decided to go down and meet him." (So now his going to the bar for the night is my fault?) I said, "I thought you wanted us to do something in the barn?" He said, "well I should have."

A few minutes later he was testy about how fresh the lunch meat in the fridge was, but I didn't rush to his assistance and just said I got it a couple of days ago. He made his lunch, fixed his thermos and left without goodbye. Happy hangover buddy!

I am going to stick to my resolve and not call him all day. Then I will stop for a quick glass of wine on the way from work and hit the grocery store to get some lunch stuff before I go home.

I have to tell you that being sick last year was easier than this is.

I really miss my old life and my friend.

[MT35]

1hope, I am with you on missing my old life and friend. If you would have told me in July even this was what was coming for my life, I would have laughed in your face. Not anymore. I couldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Your H is so lost, he wants you to be there whenever he wants you to be. But doesn't want to be there for you.

I keep telling myself these H's will have to reawaken sometime, but I just don't know.

You do such a great job of staying off his roll of emotions. I wish I could detach as well as you do. I feel like I am starting to detach, and then something happens, and I am all torn up again. I know all the talking we did last night didn't really do any good, I guess I felt better for the fact that I know he doesn't do any of this on purpose.


Keep up the your positive attitude. It will help you!!

[Babygirl]

hey 1hope, I came to ready your sitch, because of reading mt35's. Wow what a road and an inspiration you are. what you just said up there "I have to tell you that being sick last year was easier than this is" made me want to jump in here and hug you, and cry with you. I have had an awful couple years, and this morning driving myself back from chemo, wished the UFO that claimed my H would drop him back down in the car to do it for me, instead, I am sure he will call later to check on me, or I will see him when he gets off work.
I think you are so strong and amazing. you hang tough!

[1hope]

((((Babygirl))))

Did you say chemo? Do we have more in common than MLC? I'm going to go check your your sitch.