Thought I would start a new thread since my last one got locked up. It has been awhile.
Update: Have completed Retrouvaille sessions, continue to read books regarding our marriage/relationship/sex issues, and continue to talk and make changes. I'm not going to lie, some days I think it would have been so much easier to have given up and moved on. I think my H would have had an easier time of it as well. Sure, years down the road we would each have problems again, but it sure would have been easier the first years. Marriage is hard work.
I'm getting a little better at building happiness within myself instead of trying to get it all from my H. When we have bad days, the thoughts of OM still are there. Will they always be there? I try not to compare them because they are totally different guys. I'm also trying to find out how to get what OM gave me that was missing in my relationship. I'm not necessarily looking to my H to do this for me, I'm looking in myself and world.
I'm realizing that the past few years, I have been depressed as well. I wish someone would have told me to see a doctor....even my husband. I couldn't have seen it myself. I have feelings of anger about that. No one even noticed that I needed help. What is wrong with that? Was I so unnoticeable to people? People just didn't care? I pulled back from all my friends, my family, my husband. No one cared? This was even before I chose an affair. It's hard to look at your life and realize all that is/was missing. It is also hard to realize that all of the wonderful things in my life the past few years I was unable to truly enjoy because of my choices and problems.
Thank God for what I have now. The chance at a wonderful life. Every day is what I make of it. I'm no longer coasting in depression, and I'm no longer coasting for an "easy fix". I know what I want and I have to work every day to get it.
