Now, SHE is having to say "no" in a very nice loving manner (something our counselor years ago told her to work on) - she can't establish a system where I MUST ask every night - then, get pissed because I'm asking.
As such, every night she is not in the mood (90% of the time) she has to say no in a loving, caring manner.
It sounds to me like she has a bad case of the:
"If you loved and knew me enough, you would just know...
what turns me on and what doesn't."
when to initiate sex."
how to initiate sex at that time."
how to arouse me and stimulate me."
how to bring me to orgasm."
And when you DON'T just know, she gets angry, feels, hurt, and perhaps even unloved...you obviously don't love her enough. From her point of view, she shouldn't have to say anything before, during, or after sex, and it's aggravating when she does --> it completely ruins the romantic myth.
This is a very common myth that young women, then full-grown women buy into. Their romance stories, novels, and movies are FULL of fantasy men who either (a) have an innate ability to 'read' and please ALL women that they meet, or (b) find this innate ability to 'read' and please when they meet THE ONE...their one true love. And when these young women meet REAL young men, who are completely clueless with regard to the opposite sex, it's a big disappointment. And later on, after they've married some supposedly older, more experienced REAL man, it's still a disappointment, and may even be taken as a sign that "He just doesn't love me enough...else he would know.
Openly expressing one's sexual desires and needs, teaching one's spouse how to please you, and patiently redirecting your spouse when he strays from what would work for you at a particular time and circumstance is HARD for many women to do, but also necessary for a successful sexual relationship. So while you're playing her '365 Days' game, you might think about ways of getting this point across to her.
* Men aren't mind readers,
* most of us don't instinctively know how to please a woman sexually,
* we have a tendency to get caught up in our own sexual fervor and falsely project this on to our mate, and because off this,
* we're going to make mistakes in reading our spouse from time to time, either in initiating or executing a sexual encounter.
Welcome to real life, with a real man.
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
