I still believe in miracles

[istherehope]

Ok,

About last night. No R talks. I decided to act as-if everything was normal and we were back together. I hyped myself up about this on the plane too.when I landed I even texted to say I'd arrived.

I showed up and acted really happy to see him, but there was no hug or anything. We talked about random things for awhile. One good thing was that he started mentioning friends with kids. Previously he had been talking only about single friends. I have this feeling that he actually wants kids and this is one of those hidden issues. I know it's not the time to bring it up directly, but I may start inserting kids into conversations and see how he reacts.

So we went to bed, and he read and I dealt with the light being on til very late, and said nothing (180). There was no ML, but he joked about how he knew I wanted it. I didn't care because I knew we still would. We joked around about other things. It was so normal. Then during the night he woke me up for ML. Again, sorry if TMI, but this was the first time in awhile that it wasn't just sort of rough and like him getting his way. I felt emotion. This morning, we joked around for awhile again. In fact he has just found out that he has to fly somewhere today, so I changed my ticket to stay at the house with the dogs. I'll fly to Poland tomorrow.

He said that maybe this weekend we could jog together, actually a very big deal for him. So everything is just so right. I wonder what it will take to just take that leap of faith and say let's try this...

Anyway I decided to leave the house for a bit. I'm at Starbucks, and offered to go to the bank and pay on his credit card and pick up some stuff from the store. I hope he's seeing this in the same way I am...I feel soooo happy and lucky to be with him.Also, FYI, I saw that he had IMd me a lot when I was offline yesterday.

Please keep sending me good vibes. At some point I want to test the waters with a new experiment, but am not sure what that could be. My hope is still that he has a lot to drink Thursday and is a bit more open with me, in a good way...

I'm back to the house shortly, where who knows what will happen, but I am remaining in as-if mode.

ITH